A very nervous man, accompanied by his nagging wife, was examined by a doctor. After checking the chart, he nodded and wrote the man a prescription for a powerful tranquilizer. The man asked, “How often do I take these?” “Let’s start off with once every six hours. But they’re not for you,” replied the doctor. … Read more
A beautiful, well-dressed blonde seats herself in the first-class cabin on a cross-country flight and settles in for the trip, smiling prettily at admiring passengers seated around her. Underway, a flight attendant soon approaches the blonde and says, “Miss, I’m sorry, but I see that your ticket is for coach, and you’re seated in first … Read more
One day in Contract Law class, a professor asked one of his better students, “Now, if you were to give someone an orange, how would you go about it?” The student replied, “Here’s an orange.” The professor was livid. “No! No! Think like a lawyer!” the professor instructed. The student then recited, “Okay, I’d tell … Read more
A lawyer and an engineer were fishing in the Caribbean. The lawyer said, “I’m here because my house burned down, and everything I owned was destroyed by the fire. The insurance company paid for everything.” “That’s quite a coincidence,” said the engineer. “I’m here because my house and all my belongings were destroyed by a … Read more
The man approached a very beautiful woman in a large supermarket and asked, “You know, I’ve lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?” “Why?” she asks. “Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman, my wife appears out of nowhere.”
Moses, Jesus, and an old man are golfing. Moses steps up to the tee and hits the ball. It goes sailing over the fairway and lands in the water trap. Moses parts the water and chips the ball onto the green. Jesus steps up to the tee and hits the ball. It goes sailing over … Read more
A man was sitting alone in his office one night when a genie popped up out of his ashtray and said, “And what will your third wish be?” The man looked at the genie and said, “Huh? How can I be getting a third wish when I haven’t had a first or second wish yet?” … Read more
The Thomas family was shown into the dentist’s office, where Mr. Thomas made it clear he was in a big hurry. “No fancy stuff, Doctor,” he ordered. “No gas or needles or any of that stuff. Just pull the tooth and get it over with.” “I wish more of my patients were as stoic as … Read more
Here is the corrected version: A psychiatrist met a friend and exclaimed, “I heard you died.” “But you see I’m alive,” smiled the friend. “Impossible,” said the psychiatrist, “the man who told me is much more reliable than you.”
Here is the corrected version of the joke: “These two strings walk up to a bar. The first string walks in and orders, and the bartender throws him out and yells, ‘I don’t serve strings in this bar.’ The other string ruffs himself up on the street, curls up, and orders. The bartender shouts, ‘Hey, … Read more