Sid and Barney head out for a quick round of golf. Since they are short on time, they decide to play only 9 holes. Sid says to Barney, “Let’s say we make the time worth the while, at least for one of us, and spot $15 on the lowest score for the day.” Barney agrees … Read more
The inmates of a prison had a joke book they all had memorized. The way they recited them was by the number of the joke. Some fellow would call out a number from 1 to 1000 and all would laugh. A new man in the prison, after studying the book, said he wanted to tell … Read more
A young college student had stayed up all night studying for his zoology test the next day. As he entered the classroom, he saw ten stands with ten legs on them. Each bird had a sack over its head; only the legs were showing. He sat straight in the front row because he wanted to … Read more
A village blacksmith, working at his open forge, hammering a white-hot horseshoe, had just finished the shoe and thrown it on the ground to cool. A real wanna-be redneck walked in at just that moment. He picked up the horseshoe and fumbled with it while howling in pain. He then dropped it and tried to … Read more
Bill and Hillary Clinton were sleeping one night at the White House. Hillary wakes up and starts shaking Bill to wake him up. “Bill, Bill, wake up.” Bill stays sleeping. Hillary continues, “Bill, Bill, wake up.” Bill finally wakes up and says, “What do you want?” Hillary responds, “I have to go use the bathroom.” … Read more
Josh was helping Sally, the blonde, clean out the trunk of her car. Inside, he noticed a bag labeled “Emergency Repair Kit”. Looking at it a little closer, he noticed a stick of dynamite inside. Thinking that was a bit strange, he asked Sally what it was for. She said, “It’s part of my emergency … Read more
Four surgeons were taking a coffee break and discussing their work. The first one said, “I think accountants are the easiest to operate on. Everything inside them is numbered.” “I think librarians are the easiest,” said the second. “When you open them up, all their organs are arranged alphabetically.” The third surgeon said, “I prefer … Read more
An airliner was having engine trouble, and the pilot instructed the cabin crew to have the passengers take their seats and get prepared for an emergency landing. A few minutes later, the pilot asked the flight attendants if everyone was buckled in and ready. “All set back here, Captain,” came the reply, “except one lawyer … Read more
A blonde girl just stepped into the bathtub when the doorbell rang. “Who is it?” she called out. “Blind man,” came the response. Feeling charitable, the blonde dashed from the tub without bothering to put on any clothes, grabbed her purse, and opened the door. The man’s jaw dropped and he stammered, “Wh-where do you … Read more
A duck hunter, proud of his marksmanship, took his son out one morning to witness his skill. After some time, a lone duck flew by. “Watch this,” whispered the dad as he took aim and carefully fired. The duck flew serenely on. “My boy,” said the hunter, “you are witnessing a great miracle. There flies … Read more