Stage 1 – SMART: This is when you suddenly become an expert on every subject in the known Universe. You know you know everything and want to pass on your knowledge to anyone who will listen. At this stage you are always RIGHT. And of course, the person you are talking to is very WRONG. … Read more
Dear Bill, I have been unable to sleep since I broke off your engagement to my daughter. Will you forgive and forget? I was much too sensitive about your mohawk, tattoo, and pierced nose. I now realize that motorcycles aren’t really that dangerous, and I really should not have reacted that way to the fact … Read more
A kid called up his mum from his college and asked her for some money because he ran out of it. Mum said, “Sure, sweetie. Mum will send you some money. You also left your calculus book here when you visited 2 weeks ago. Do you want me to send that up too?” “Uhh, oh … Read more
A Martian landed in the country. He went up to a farmhouse and knocked on the door. He told the farmer he would give him $1,000,000 for his flock of sheep. The farmer said, “Okay.” The Martian pulled a tiny sheep out of his pocket, and it ate all the sheep. The Martian then offered … Read more
One day long ago, there was a king who gathered all the people of the land. He said if anyone could swim across the lake (with crocodiles), they would have their choice of a castle, money, or his daughter’s hand in marriage. One man jumped up and yelled, “I can do it!” He tried and … Read more
– *Oops!* Has anyone seen my watch? – That was some party last night. I can’t remember when I’ve been that drunk. – *Damn!* Page 47 of the manual is missing! – Well, this book doesn’t say that… What edition is your manual? – OK, now take a picture from this angle. This is truly … Read more
Know Your State Sotto Alabama: Hell Yes, We Have Electricity Alaska: 11,623 Eskimos Can’t Be Wrong! Arizona: But It’s A Dry Heat Arkansas: Literacy Ain’t Everything California: By 30, Our Women Have More Plastic Than Your Honda Colorado: If You Don’t Ski, Don’t Bother Connecticut: Like Massachusetts, Only The Kennedy’s Don’t Own It, Yet! Delaware: … Read more
1-star hangover – No pain. No real feeling of illness. You slept in your own bed and when you woke up there were no traffic cones in there with you. You are still able to function relatively well on the energy stored up from all those vodka red bulls. However, you can drink 10 bottles … Read more
Alabama: At Least We’re not Mississippi Alaska: 11,623 Eskimos Can’t be Wrong! Arizona: Dehyd-rific! Arkansas: Litterasy Ain’t Everthing California: As Seen on TV Colorado: If You Don’t Ski, Don’t Bother Connecticut: Like Massachusetts, Only Dirtier and With Less Character Delaware: (this was left blank–does this mean Delaware is too small to have a motto?) Florida: … Read more
A San Diego patrolman pulled over a driver and told him that because he was wearing his seat belt, he had just won $5000 in a safety competition. “What are you going to do with the money?” the officer asked. “I guess I’ll go to driving school and get my license,” the man answered. “Don’t … Read more