A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, only to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner. “Good morning,” said the young man. “If I could take a couple minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners.” “Go away!” … Read more
Five cannibals get appointed as programmers in an IT company. During the welcoming ceremony, the boss says: “You’re all part of our team now. You can earn good money here, and you can go to the company canteen for something to eat. So don’t trouble the other employees.” The cannibals promise not to trouble the … Read more
At age 5, success is not peeing in your pants. At age 10, success is having friends. At age 16, success is having your driver’s license. At age 20, success is having sex. At age 35, success is having money. At age 50, success is having money. At age 65, success is having sex. At … Read more
You know you’re from Canada when… 1. You only know three spices: salt, pepper, and ketchup. 2. You design your Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit. 3. The mosquitoes have landing lights. 4. You have more miles on your snow blower than your car. 5. You have 10 favorite recipes for moose meat. 6. … Read more
Things To Say To Telemarketers: 1. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money. 2. If they start out with, “How are you today?” say, “I’m so glad you asked, because no one these days seems to care, and I have all … Read more
When the body was first made, all the parts wanted to be the boss. The brain said, “Since I control everything and do all the thinking, I should be the boss.” The feet said, “Since I carry man where he wants to go and get him in position to do what the brain wants, then … Read more
A man walks into a bar one night. He goes up to the bar and asks for a beer. “Certainly, sir, that’ll be 1 cent.” “ONE CENT!” exclaimed the guy; the barman replied, “Yes.” So the guy glances over at the menu, and he asks, “Could I have a nice juicy T-bone steak, with chips, … Read more
A philosophy professor stands in front of his class and fills a mayonnaise jar with rocks that are about 2″ in diameter. The professor asks the class if the jar is full…they agree that it is. The professor then takes a handful of pebbles and adds them to the jar, shaking it so the pebbles … Read more
One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Jack says to Mike behind him, “My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I better see a doctor.” “Listen, you don’t have to spend that kind of money,” Mike replies. “There’s a diagnostic computer at the drugstore at the corner. Just give it a urine sample and … Read more
Three engineers and three accountants are traveling by train to a conference. At the station, the three accountants each buy tickets and watch as the three engineers buy only a single ticket. “How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?” asks an accountant. “Watch and you’ll see,” answers an engineer. They all … Read more