Things You Don’t Want to Hear During Surgery: – Oops! – Has anyone seen my watch? – That was some party last night. I can’t remember when I’ve been that drunk. – Damn! Page 47 of the manual is missing! – Well, this book doesn’t say that… What edition is your manual? – OK, now … Read more
A one dollar bill met a 20 dollar bill and said, “Hey, where’ve you been? I haven’t seen you around here much.” The twenty answered, “I’ve been hanging out at the casinos, went on a cruise and did the rounds of the ship, back to the United States for a while, went to a couple … Read more
During the Great Depression, there was a man who walked into a bar one day. He went up to the bartender and said, “Bartender, I’d like to buy the house a round of drinks.” The bartender said, “That’s fine, but we’re in the middle of the Depression, so I’ll need to see some money first.” … Read more
This door-to-door entrepreneur became rather bored with his job of selling Bibles, so he decided to become a boss, hiring three people to sell Bibles for him. He interviewed three people. The first came in and said, “I want to sell Bibles for you.” “OK, you’re hired. Here’s your kit; go sell!” The second came … Read more
A rich businessman had a meeting with his new son-in-law. “Welcome to the family,” said the man. “I’m so happy, I’m making you a 50-50 partner in my business. All you have to do is go to the factory every day and learn the operations.” The son-in-law interrupted. “Oh, um, I actually hate factories. Can’t … Read more
A drunk staggers into a bar and says to the bartender, “I’d like to buy everyone in the bar a drink and get one for yourself too!” The bartender makes the drinks and everyone raises their glass and yells “CHEERS!” and downs their drinks. The bartender says, “That’ll be $37.50.” The drunk says, “Kiss my … Read more
There were two evil brothers who were rich and used their money to hide their wicked ways from the public eye. They even attended the same church and appeared to be perfect Christians. However, when their pastor retired and a new one was hired, the truth about the brothers started to come to light. The … Read more
A priest goes to a hairdressing salon, has a haircut, thanks the hairdresser and asks him how much he owes. The hairdresser replies, “Father, you’re a holy man, a man of the cloth, I just couldn’t charge you anything, it’s on the house.” The priest is most grateful and says, “Thank you, my son” and … Read more
1. Go to O’Reilly’s auto parts and write a check for $50 for oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner, and scented tree. 2. Discover that the used oil container is full. Instead of taking it back to O’Reilly to recycle, dump it in a hole in the backyard. 3. Open a beer and drink it. … Read more