An old man went to the doctor for his yearly physical. His wife came along to keep him company. The doctor checked his reflexes, looked down his throat, and listened to his chest with a stethoscope. He made a few notes and said, “I need a urine sample, a stool sample, and a sperm sample.” … Read more
A woman goes into the local newspaper office to see that the obituary for her recently deceased husband is written. The obituary editor informs her that the fee for the obituary is 50 cents a word. She pauses, reflects, and then says, “Well then, let it read: ‘Fred Brown died.’” Amused at the woman’s thrift, … Read more
A young reporter went to a retirement home to interview an aged but legendary explorer. The reporter asked the old man to recount the most frightening experience he had ever had. “Once I was hunting Bengal tigers in the jungles of India,” the old explorer said. “I was pushing through the brush on a narrow … Read more
The old man was sitting on his porch when a young man walked up with a pad and pencil in his hand. “What are you selling, young man?” the elderly gentleman asked. “I’m not selling anything, sir,” the young man replied. “I’m a Census Taker.” “A what?” the old man asked. “A Census Taker. We … Read more
A wise old gentleman retired and purchased a modest home near a junior high school. He spent the first few weeks of his retirement in peace and contentment. Then a new school year began. The very next afternoon, three young boys full of youthful after-school enthusiasm came down his street, beating merrily on every trash … Read more
A rich, lonely widow decided that she needed another man in her life, so she placed a personal ad that read: RICH WIDOW LOOKING FOR MAN TO SHARE LIFE AND FORTUNE WITH THE FOLLOWING QUALIFICATIONS: 1. WON’T BEAT ME UP 2. WON’T RUN AWAY 3. HAS TO BE GREAT IN BED For several months, her … Read more
An old guy goes to the doctor and gets some tests done. The doctor comes back from checking the results and says, “I have some bad news. You have cancer and you have Alzheimer’s.” The old man replies, “Oh thank god I don’t have cancer!”
An 80-year-old couple were having problems remembering things, so they decided to go to their doctor to get checked out to make sure nothing was wrong with them. When they arrived at the doctor’s, they explained to the doctor about the problems they were having with their memory. After checking the couple out, the doctor … Read more
For the first time in many years, an old man traveled from his rural town to the city to attend a movie. After buying his ticket, he stopped at the concession stand to purchase some popcorn. Handing the attendant $1.50, he couldn’t help but comment, “The last time I came to the movies, popcorn was … Read more
A little girl is sitting on her grandpa’s lap and studying the wrinkles on his old face. She gets up the nerve to rub her fingers over the wrinkles. Then she touches her own face and looks more puzzled. Finally, the little girl asks, “Grandpa, did God make you?” “He sure did, honey, a long … Read more