A woman walked up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch. “I couldn’t help noticing how happy you look,” she said. “What’s your secret for a long happy life?” “I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day,” he said. “I also drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty … Read more
A guy was invited to an old friend’s home for dinner. His buddy preceded every request to his wife by endearing terms, calling her Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, Pumpkin, etc. The guy was impressed since he knew the couple had been married almost 70 years. While the wife was off in the kitchen, he … Read more
In an effort to get away from their high-stress jobs, a couple spent relaxing weekends camping in their motorhome. One day they found their peace and quiet disturbed by well-meaning but unwelcome visits from other campers. Talking it over, they devised a plan to assure themselves some privacy. Now, when they set up camp, they … Read more
Two very elderly ladies were enjoying the sunshine on a park bench in Miami. They had been meeting at that park every sunny day for over 12 years, chatting and enjoying each other’s friendship. One day, the younger of the two ladies turns to the other and says, “Please don’t be angry with me, dear, … Read more
How To Tell When You’re Really Old: – You find yourself listening to talk radio. – Your daughter says she got pierced and you look at her ears. – The pattern on your shorts and couch match. – You fondly remember your powder blue leisure suit. – You think Tragically Hip is when a middle-aged … Read more
Two old guys were sitting in the park, talking, when the subject turned to getting older. The first guy said, “Women have all the luck when it comes to getting older.” “What do you mean?” asked the second guy. “Well,” replied the first, “I can barely remember the last time I got aroused in bed, … Read more
A senior citizen’s group chartered a bus from Brooklyn to Atlantic City. As they entered New Jersey, an elderly woman came up to the driver and said, “I’ve been molested!” The driver thought she was just being delusional and told her to go sit back down. Ten minutes later, another old woman came forward and … Read more
A guy was in a supermarket when he noticed an old lady following him around. Whenever he stopped, she stopped, and she also kept staring at him. She finally overtook him just before the checkout where she turned to him and said: “I hope I haven’t made you feel uncomfortable – it’s just that you … Read more
Three old ladies are sitting in a diner, chatting about various things. One lady says, “You know, I’m getting really forgetful. This morning, I was standing at the top of the stairs, and I couldn’t remember whether I had just come up or was about to go down.” The second lady says, “You think that’s … Read more
An old Jewish man went to a diner every day for lunch. He always ordered the soup du jour. One day the manager asked him how he liked his meal. The old man replied (with a Yiddish accent), “Vas goot, but you could give a little more bread.” So the next day, the manager told … Read more