A lawyer opened the door of his BMW when suddenly a car came along and hit the door, ripping it off completely. When the police arrived at the scene, the lawyer was complaining bitterly about the damage to his precious BMW. “Officer, look what they’ve done to my Beeeeemer!!!” he whined. “You lawyers are so … Read more
A man was speeding down the highway, feeling secure in a gaggle of cars all traveling at the same speed. However, as they passed a speed trap, he got nailed with an infrared speed detector and was pulled over. The officer handed him the citation, received his signature, and was about to walk away when … Read more
Two guys are driving through Texas when they get pulled over by a state trooper. The trooper walks up, taps on the window with his nightstick. The driver rolls down the window, and the trooper smacks him in the head with the stick. The driver says, “Why’d you do that?” The trooper says, “You’re in … Read more
A man is struck by a bus on a busy street in New York City. He lies dying on the sidewalk as a crowd of on-lookers gathers around. “A priest. Somebody get me a priest!” the man gasps. A policeman checks the crowd—no priest, no minister, no man of God of any kind. “A PRIEST, … Read more
A man decided that he was going to ride a 10-speed bike from Phoenix to Flagstaff. He got as far as Black Canyon City before the mountains just became too much and he could go no farther. He stuck his thumb out, but after 3 hours hadn’t gotten a single person to stop. Finally, a … Read more
A drunk phoned the police to report that thieves had been in his car. “They’ve stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, even the accelerator!” he cried out. However, before the police investigation could start, the phone rang a second time with the same voice coming over the line. “Never mind,” he said … Read more
A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street. “But officer,” the man began, “I can explain.” “Just be quiet,” snapped the officer. “I’m going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back.” “But, officer, I just wanted to say,” “And I said … Read more
A driver was pulled over by a police officer for speeding. As the officer was writing the ticket, she noticed several machetes in the car. “What are those for?” she asked suspiciously. “I’m a juggler,” the man replied. “I use those in my act.” “Well, show me,” the officer requested. So he got out the … Read more
The other day, I was on my way home from work when the most remarkable thing happened. Traffic was heavy as usual, and as I sat there at a red light, out of nowhere, a bird slammed into my windshield. If that wasn’t bad enough, the poor creature got its wing stuck under the windshield … Read more
A police officer pulls over a guy who’s been weaving in and out of the lanes. He goes up to the guy’s window and says, “Sir, I need you to blow into this breathalyzer tube.” The man says, “Sorry, officer, I can’t do that. I am an asthmatic. If I do that, I’ll have a … Read more