A kid was sitting on his lawn with a box of puppies one morning. George Bush was on his morning run, accompanied by some Secret Service workers. Dubya asked the boy what kind of puppies were in the box. The little boy said, “Republicans.” The President beamed, patted the boy on the head, and said, … Read more
Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846. John F. Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946. Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860. John F. Kennedy was elected President in 1960. The names Lincoln and Kennedy each contain seven letters. Both were particularly concerned with civil rights. Both wives lost their children while living … Read more
President Clinton steps off Air Force One with a piglet under his arm. An impeccably dressed Marine Guard greets the President, coming to attention and snapping out a razor-sharp salute. “Welcome back, SIR! Nice pig you got there, SIR!” President: “This here is an Arkansas Razorback that I got for Hillary.” Marine Guard: “Nice trade, … Read more
Monica L. had taken some clothes in to be cleaned. The attendant was an old man, hard of hearing. She was telling the man what she wanted and was holding a dress while talking. The old man put a hand up to his ear and said, “Come again?” “No,” said Monica, “It’s mustard this time!”
An engineer, an accountant, a chemist, and a bureaucrat were bragging about how smart their dogs are. The engineer called to his dog, “T-square, do your stuff.” The dog took out paper and pen and drew a circle, a square, and a triangle. Everyone agreed he was smart. The accountant called, “Sliderule, do your stuff.” … Read more
A lady bought a new Lexus. Cost a bundle. Two days later, she brought it back, complaining that the radio was not working. “Madam,” said the sales manager, “the audio system in this car is completely automatic. All you need to do is tell it what you want to listen to, and you will hear … Read more
A reporter cornered George W. Bush at a press conference and said, “Many say the only reason you were elected President is due to the enormous power and influence of your father.” “That notion is ridiculous!” mocked George Jr. “It doesn’t matter how powerful the man is. He was only allowed to vote once!”
Bill Clinton, Al Gore, and George W. Bush were set to face a firing squad in a small Central American country. Bill Clinton was the first one placed against the wall and just before the order was given he yelled out, “Earthquake!” The firing squad fell into a panic and Bill jumped over the wall … Read more
A little boy wanted $100 badly and prayed for two weeks but nothing happened. Then he decided to write God a letter requesting the $100. When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to God, USA, they decided to send it to President Bush. The President was so impressed, touched, and amused that he instructed … Read more
Einstein dies and goes to heaven. At the Pearly Gates, Saint Peter tells him, “You look like Einstein, but you have NO idea the lengths that some people will go to sneak into Heaven. Can you prove who you really are?” Einstein ponders for a few seconds and asks, “Could I have a blackboard and … Read more