The LAPD, the FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it. The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They … Read more
Two candidates for political office inadvertently scheduled simultaneous campaign rallies in the same park of a small town. After a lengthy round of speeches, the candidates worked their way through the crowd, shaking hands, kissing babies, and beaming mightily. Suddenly, the skies opened and it began to rain. One of the candidates fled to take … Read more
A little boy goes to his dad and asks, “What’s politics?” Dad says, “Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I’m the breadwinner of the family, so let’s call me Capitalism. Your Mom, she’s the administrator of the money, so we’ll call her the Government. We’re here to take care of your … Read more
Steven Spielberg was busy discussing his new action adventure about famous classical composers. Bruce Willis, Sylvester Stallone, and Arnold Schwarzenegger were in the room. “Who do you want to play?” Spielberg asked Bruce Willis. “I’ve always been a big fan of Chopin,” said Bruce. “I’ll play him.” “And you, Sylvester?” asked Spielberg. “Mozart’s the one … Read more
Bush and Gore went fishing. Gore went on one side of the lake and Bush on the other. Later that day, Bush came back with 129 fish and Gore came back with none. Gore screamed for a revote. The next day, Bush came back with 173 fish and Gore once again screamed for a revote. … Read more
Bill Clinton was walking along the beach when he stumbled upon a Genie’s lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it and lo-and-behold, a Genie appeared. Bill was amazed and asked if he got three wishes. The Genie said, “Nope…Due to inflation, constant downswing, low wages in third world countries, and fierce global competition, I … Read more
George Bush was out jogging one morning along the parkway when he tripped, fell over the bridge railing, and landed in the creek below. Before the Secret Service guys could get to him, three kids who were fishing pulled him out of the water. He was so grateful he offered the kids whatever they wanted. … Read more
A son asks his father, “What can you tell me about politics? I have to learn about it for school tomorrow.” The father thinks a little and says, “OK, son, the best way I can describe politics is to use an analogy. Let’s say that I’m a capitalist because I’m the breadwinner. Your mother will … Read more
Two terrorists are chatting. One of them opens his wallet and flips through pictures. “You see, this is my oldest. He’s a martyr. Here’s my second son. He’s a martyr, too.” The second terrorist says, gently, “Ah, they blow up so fast, don’t they?”
A 10pm curfew was imposed in Baghdad. Everybody had to be off the streets or risk being shot. However, one citizen was shot at 9.45pm. “Why did you do that?” the soldier was asked by his superior officer. “I know where he lives,” he replied, “and he wouldn’t have made it.”