This lady approaches a priest and tells him, “Father, I have a problem. I have these two talking female parrots, but they only know how to say one thing.” “What do they say?” the priest asked. “They only know how to say, ‘Hi, we are prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?’” “That’s terrible!” … Read more
One beautiful morning, an atheist was walking through the forest, admiring nature’s surroundings. He looked up and saw the trees swaying in the wind high above him and smiled. He saw the river glisten in the sun, twinkle like a newborn star, and it made him warm inside. He thought to himself that Mother Nature … Read more
Here is the corrected version: Einstein climbs to the top of Mt. Sinai to get close enough to talk to God. Looking up, he asks the Lord, “God, what does a million years mean to you?” The Lord replies, “A minute.” Einstein asks, “And what does a million dollars mean to you?” The Lord replies, … Read more
During his visit to the United States, the Pope met with President Clinton. Instead of just an hour as scheduled, the meeting went on for two days. Finally, a weary President Clinton emerged to face the waiting news media. The President was smiling and announced the summit was a resounding success. He said he and … Read more
In the convent, a young nun went to see the mother superior. “Mother, I want to quit the veil.” “But why, my child?” “To become a prostitute.” “What? What are you saying?” “I said I want to become a prostitute, mother.” “Oh, you had me worried. I thought you said protestant!”
After a few days on the new Earth, the Lord called to Adam and said, “It is time for you and Eve to begin the process of populating the earth, so I want you to kiss her.” Adam answered, “Yes, Lord, but what is a ‘kiss’?” The Lord gave a brief description to Adam, who … Read more
Two beggars are sitting on a park bench in Mexico City. One is holding a Cross and one a Star of David. Both are holding hats to collect contributions. People walk by, lift their noses at the man with the Star of David and drop money in the hat held by the man with the … Read more
A priest was called away for an emergency. Not wanting to leave the confessional unattended, he called his rabbi friend from across the street and asked him to cover for him. The rabbi told him he wouldn’t know what to say, but the priest told him to come on over and he’d stay with him … Read more
A burglar broke into a house one night. He shone his flashlight around, looking for valuables, and when he picked up a CD player to place in his sack, a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark saying, “Jesus is watching you.” He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight out, and froze. … Read more
A cabbie picks up a nun. She gets into the cab, and the cab driver won’t stop staring at her. She asks him why he is staring, and he replies, “I have a question to ask you but I don’t want to offend you.” She answers, “My dear son, you cannot offend me. When you’re … Read more