The college professor had just finished explaining an important research project to his class. The professor emphasized that this paper was an absolute requirement for passing his class, and that there would be only two acceptable excuses for being late: a medically certifiable illness or a death in the student’s immediate family. A student in … Read more
A high school English teacher reminds her class of tomorrow’s final exam. “Now class, I won’t tolerate any excuses for you not being there tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family – but that’s it, no other excuses whatsoever!” A smart-ass … Read more
Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said, “Where did you get such a great bike?” The second engineer replied, “Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, … Read more
Two college seniors had a week of exams coming up. They decided to party instead. Their biggest exam was on Wednesday, and they showed up telling the professor that their car had broken down the night before due to a very flat tire and they needed a bit more time to study. The professor told … Read more
A girl has brought her fiancé home for dinner. After dinner, the fiancé and the girl’s father go into the study for a man-to-man talk. “So, what are you doing right now?” asks the father. “I am a theology scholar,” replies the fiancé. “Do you have any plans for employment?” “I will study, and God … Read more
A tourist guide was talking with a group of school kids at Yellowstone Park when one of the kids asked him if he had ever come face-to-face with a wolf. “Yes, I came face to face with a wolf once. And as luck would have it, I was alone and without a weapon.” “What did … Read more
A woman went to a pet shop and immediately spotted a large beautiful parrot. There was a sign on the cage that said £50.00. “Why so little,” she asked the pet store owner. The owner looked at her and said, “Look, I should tell you first that this bird used to live in a house … Read more
Early one morning, a mother went in to wake up her son. “Wake up, son. It’s time to go to school!” “But why, Mom? I don’t want to go.” “Give me two reasons why you don’t want to go.” “Well, the kids hate me for one, and the teachers hate me, too!” “Oh, that’s no … Read more
It is near the end of the school year. The teacher has turned in the grades and there is really nothing more to do. All the children are restless because of this. Teacher: “Whoever answers the questions I ask first and correctly can leave early today.” Little Johnny says to himself, “Good, I want to … Read more
The psychology instructor had just finished a lecture on mental health and was giving an oral test. Speaking specifically about manic depression, she asked, “How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrollably the next?” A young … Read more