A mature woman goes to the doctor and asks for help to revive her man’s sex drive. “What about trying Viagra?” asks the doctor. “Not a chance,” says Mrs. Murphy. “He won’t even take an aspirin for a headache.” “No problem,” replies the doctor. “Drop it into his coffee; he won’t even taste it. Try … Read more
The elderly Italian man went to his parish priest and asked if the priest would hear his confession. “Of course, my son,” said the priest. “Well, Father, at the beginning of World War Two, a beautiful woman knocked on my door and asked me to hide her from the Germans. I hid her in my … Read more
A young woman, who was at her father’s funeral, asked her mother, “Mom, how did Dad die?” Her mom replied, “Heart attack.” “What was he doing?” the daughter asked. Her mother said, “Well, we were having sex.” This infuriated the daughter because they were both 80 years old. The daughter said, “You guys are 80 … Read more
An alien and a man were sitting next to each other in a bar. The alien was constantly poking the guy’s cheek and saying, “zzzt!” Finally, the guy got so mad at the alien that he said, “If you do that one more time, I’ll chop your pecker off!” Again, the alien poked his cheek … Read more
Sam has been in the computer business for 25 years and is finally sick of the stress. He quits his job and buys 50 acres of land in Vermont as far from humanity as possible. Sam sees the postman once a week and gets groceries once a month. Otherwise it’s total peace and quiet. After … Read more
There were three couples that went to a church and asked to join. There was a newlywed couple, a middle-aged couple, and an older couple. The pastor told them that they had to go without sex for two weeks. Two weeks later they came back to the same church. The pastor asked the newlywed couple … Read more
Three women are in a gym locker room dressing up to play racquetball. Suddenly, a guy runs through the room wearing nothing but a bag over his head and passes the three women. He passes the first woman, who looks down at his crotch. “He’s not my husband,” she says. He passes by the second … Read more
A man went to the doctor and said, “Doctor, I’ve got a problem, but if you’re going to treat it, first you’ve got to promise not to laugh.” “Of course I won’t laugh,” the doctor said. “I’m a professional. In over twenty years I’ve never laughed at a patient.” “Okay then,” the man said, and … Read more