A man who was involved in a serious motorcycle accident was unable to speak when he first regained consciousness. Wishing to know how long he had been unconscious, he took a piece of paper and a pencil from the bedside table and, after writing “Date?” on it, gave it to his nurse. She handed it … Read more
A woman was leaving a 7-11 with her morning coffee when she noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery. A long black hearse was followed by a second long black hearse about 50 feet behind. Behind the second hearse was a solitary woman walking a pit bull on a leash. Behind her … Read more
Seventy-three-year-old Gus had worked in the garment center all his life, never finding the time to get married. But one day, a beautiful eighteen-year-old girl walked into the store, and it was love at first sight. Within a month, Gus and Rachel were married and on the way to Florida for their honeymoon. “So how … Read more
A young couple left the church and arrived at the hotel where they were spending the first night of their honeymoon. They opened the champagne and began undressing. When the bridegroom removed his socks, his new wife asked, “Ewww – what’s wrong with your feet? Your toes look all mangled and weird. Why are your … Read more
A lady walks into a Mercedes dealership. She browses around, then spots the perfect car and walks over to inspect it. As she bends to feel the fine leather upholstery, a loud fart escapes her. Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her little accident and hopes a salesperson doesn’t … Read more
A young and beautiful woman gets into the elevator, smelling like expensive perfume. She turns to the old Italian woman on the elevator with her and says arrogantly, “Giorgio – Beverly Hills, $100 an ounce!” Another young and beautiful woman gets on the elevator and also smells of very expensive perfume. She arrogantly turns to … Read more
A woman and a man are involved in a car accident. It’s a bad one. Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them are hurt. After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, “So you’re a man, that’s interesting. I’m a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There’s … Read more
A teacher was trying to get one of her students to understand a math problem by asking him this: If there are 3 birds on a powerline and a man shot one of them, how many birds are left. He answered none, because the gunshot scared the other birds away. She answered back, “I like … Read more
A little old lady told a friend of mine the other day when they were standing in line together that all she had ever wanted to have in life was four animals. My friend, who has a large dog and a big heart for strays, said, “Oh really, what kind of animals did you want?” … Read more
A girl walked up to the information desk in her local hospital and said, “I need to see the intern, please.” “I think you mean the ‘intern,’ don’t you?” asked the nurse on duty. “Yes,” said the girl. “I want to have an examination.” “Don’t you mean ‘examination’?” the nurse questioned her again. “Well, I … Read more