One day, a man comes home from work to find total mayhem at home! The kids were outside still in their pajamas playing in the mud and muck. There were empty food boxes and wrappers all around. As he proceeded into the house, he found an even bigger mess. Dishes on the counter, dog food … Read more
A man staggers into an emergency room with two black eyes and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat. Naturally, the doctor asks him what happened. “Well, it was like this,” said the man. “I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife when she sliced her ball into a pasture of … Read more
A couple were married and, following the wedding, the husband laid down some rules. “I’ll be home when I want, if I want, and at what time I want,” he insisted. “And, I don’t expect any hassle from you. Also, I expect a decent meal to be on the table every evening, unless I tell … Read more
A man and a woman were waiting at the hospital donation center. Man: “What are you doing here today?” Woman: “Oh, I’m here to donate some blood. They’re going to give me $5 for it.” Man: “Hmm, that’s interesting. I’m here to donate sperm, myself. But they pay me $25.” The woman looked thoughtful for … Read more
A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor’s office. After his checkup, the doctor called the wife into his office alone. He said, “Your husband is suffering from a very severe stress disorder. If you don’t follow my instructions carefully, your husband will surely die.” “Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant at … Read more
A woman goes into a tattoo parlor and tells the tattoo artist that she wants a tattoo of a turkey on her right thigh, right up just below her bikini line. She also wants him to put “Happy Thanksgiving” under the turkey. So the guy does it and it comes out looking real good. The … Read more
A husband is driving his car, with his wife sitting next to him. Suddenly, the police siren is heard, and he is requested to stop. The policeman comes to him and says: “Sir, do you know that you have been speeding for the last 5 minutes?” The husband replies, imploringly: “Oh no, I really didn’t … Read more
A guy and a gal meet at a bar. They get along so well that they decide to go to the girl’s place. A few drinks later, the guy takes off his shirt and then washes his hands. He then takes off his trousers and washes his hands again. The girl has been watching him … Read more
A man had six children and was very proud of his achievement. He was so proud of himself that he started calling his wife “Mother of Six,” in spite of her objections. One night they went to a party. The man decided that it was time to go home and wanted to find out if … Read more
A woman gets home, screeches her car into the driveway, runs into the house, slams the door, and shouts at the top of her lungs, “Honey, pack your bags. I won the damn lottery!” The husband says, “Oh my god! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?” The wife yells back, “I couldn’t … Read more