Eight-year-old Nina brought her report card home from school. Her marks were good—mostly A’s and a couple of B’s. However, her teacher had written across the bottom: “Nina is a smart little girl, but she talks too much in school. I have an idea I am going to try, which I think may break her … Read more
Laura fell for her handsome new dentist like a ton of bricks and pretty soon had lured him into a series of passionate rendezvous in the dental clinic after hours. But one day he said sadly, “Laura, honey, we have to stop seeing each other. Your husband’s bound to get suspicious.” “No way, sweetie, he’s … Read more
A woman announces to her friend that she is getting married for the fourth time. “How wonderful! But I hope you don’t mind me asking what happened to your first husband?” “He ate poisonous mushrooms and died.” “Oh, how tragic! What about your second husband?” “He ate poisonous mushrooms, too, and died.” “Oh, how terrible! … Read more
Joe took his blind date to the carnival. “What would you like to do first, Kim?” asked Joe. “I want to get weighed,” she said. They ambled over to the weight guesser. He guessed 120 pounds. She got on the scale; it read 117 and she won a prize. Next, the couple went on the … Read more
A newlywed couple just moved into their new house. One day the husband comes home from work and his wife says, “Honey, you know, in the upstairs bathroom one of the pipes is leaking, could you fix it?” The husband just looked at his wife and said, “What do I look like, Mr. Plumber?” A … Read more
Once a woman was in labor; she was having a really tough time dealing with the pain. The doctor came to her husband and her and told them of a new experimental drug that allows the woman to transfer 25% of the pain to the father. The husband feels really bad for his wife so … Read more
“The car won’t start,” said a wife to her husband. “I think there’s water in the carburetor.” “How do you know?” said the husband scornfully. “You don’t even know what the carburetor is.” “I’m telling you,” repeated the wife, “I’m sure there’s water in the carburetor.” “We’ll see,” mocked the husband. “Let me check it … Read more
This guy had a very attractive wife who was always wanting clothes, jewelry, etc., but he was not too well off. One day his wife came home with a diamond necklace. The guy asked, “Where did you get that?” His wife replied, “I won it at bingo.” The next night she came home with a … Read more
A doctor and his wife were having a big argument at breakfast. “You aren’t so good in bed either!” he shouted and stormed off to work. By midmorning, he decided he’d better make amends and phoned home. After many rings, his wife picked up the phone. “What took you so long to answer?” “I was … Read more
Two women friends had gone for a Girls Night Out and had been decidedly over-enthusiastic on the cocktails. Incredibly drunk and walking home, they needed to pee. They were very near a graveyard, and one of them suggested they do their business behind a headstone or something. The first woman had nothing to wipe with, … Read more