This letter serves to protect you from any malicious wishes that may result from not forwarding a chain letter on the Internet. The following protections have automatically been applied to you because you have received this letter. If you have not received this letter, please put your head between your knees and say “Duh!” 6 times aloud.
This letter hereby absolves you of any and all malicious consequences you have been subject to by receiving a chain letter via the Internet. By receiving this letter, you are bound to not send out any chain mail to anyone you know. Chain mail is evil and pointless. Please consider the following examples:
Barry White received this mailing sometime in 1946 (albeit before the Internet was in existence…but whatever), and he forwarded out a malicious chain letter to everyone in his address book. A week later, he was visited by a group of lesbian Eskimo worshipers who beat him endlessly with uncooked lasagna noodles.
Gertrude Gartholemeu received this letter and ignored it. After sending a chain letter to three of her friends, she was found mutilated by Jehovah’s Witnesses because they were angry that she didn’t follow their ways and beliefs.
Don’t let this happen to you. This message will protect you throughout your natural life and is unlimited in scope. Its protective powers will never expire nor become ineffective against any chain letter or clauses held within.