– During all police investigations, it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once.
– All telephone numbers in America begin with the digits 555.
– Beds have special L-shaped cover sheets which reach up to the armpit level on a woman, but only to waist level on the man lying beside her.
– The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. No one will ever think of looking for you in there, and you can travel to any other part of the building you want without difficulty.
– Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. A German accent will do.
– A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating, but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
– Kitchens don’t have light switches. When entering a kitchen at night, you should open the fridge door and use that light instead.
– If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises in their most revealing underwear.
– Cars that crash will invariably burst into flames.
– Stripping to the waist can make a man invulnerable to bullets.
– If you find yourself caught up in a misunderstanding that could be cleared up quickly with a simple explanation, for goodness sake, keep your mouth shut.
– Any person waking from a nightmare will sit bolt upright and pant.
– A cough is usually the sign of a terminal illness.
– All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts, so you know exactly when they’re going to go off.
– When in love, it is customary to burst into song.
– When confronted by an evil international terrorist, sarcasm and wisecracks are your best weapons.
– One man shooting at 20 men has a better chance of killing them than 20 men firing at 1 man.
– If being fired at by Germans, hide in a river – or even a bath. German bullets are unable to penetrate water.
– Laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communication systems of an invading alien civilization.
– Most people keep a scrapbook of newspaper clippings – especially if any of their family or friends have died in a strange boating accident.
– All computer disks will work in all computers, regardless of software.
– Police Departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are assigned a partner who is their total opposite.
– When they are alone, foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.
– If you are a hero, you never face