I stopped at a fast food restaurant, intrigued by a sign which offered fat-free fries. I decided to give them a try, but I was dismayed when the clerk pulled a batch of fries from the fryer dripping with fat, and then put a bag of these fries in with my order.

“Just a minute,” I said, “those aren’t fat-free.”

“Yes, they are,” he replied, “we only charge for the potatoes, the fat is free.”

A man is giving a speech at his lodge meeting. He gets a bit carried away and talks for two hours. Finally, he realizes what he is doing and says, “I’m sorry I talked so long. I left my watch at home.”

A voice from the back of the room chirps, “There’s a calendar behind you.”