There once was a 94-year-old nun in the 1890s whose worn-out body began to surrender. Her doctor prescribed for her a shot of whiskey three times a day to relax her. However, not to be lured into worldly pleasures, she huffily declined. But her mother superior knew the elderly sister loved milk. So she instructed … Read more
1. Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the Bible Study is done. 2. Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door. 3. The pastor will preach his farewell message, after which the … Read more
Three couples — one elderly, one middle-aged, and one newlywed — wanted to join a church. The priest said, “We have special requirements for new parishioners. You must abstain from having sex for two weeks.” The couples all agreed and came back at the end of two weeks. The pastor went to the elderly couple … Read more
Continuing the current trend of large-scale mergers and acquisitions, it was announced today at a press conference that Christmas and Hanukkah will merge. An industry source said that the deal had been in the works for about 1300 years. While details were not available at press time, it is believed that the overhead cost of … Read more
An engineer died and ended up in Hell. Soon, he became dissatisfied with the level of comfort in Hell and began designing and building improvements. After a while, they had flush toilets, air conditioning, and escalators. The engineer was a pretty popular guy. One day God called to Satan and said with a sneer, “So, … Read more
A burglar was cruising through a posh suburb looking for an opportunity. At one house, he saw a truck unloading a big screen television, stereo, and video outfit. That night, without a moon in the sky and a heavy fog, he drove up to the house. He rang the doorbell and when no one answered, … Read more
Three Jewish sons left home, went out on their own, and prospered. Getting back together, they discussed the gifts that they were able to give to their elderly mother. The first said, “I built a big house for our mother.” The second said, “I sent her a Mercedes with a driver.” The third said, “I’ve … Read more
A family had twin boys whose only resemblance to each other was their looks. If one felt it was too hot, the other thought it was too cold. If one said the TV was too loud, the other claimed the volume needed to be turned up. One was terribly pessimistic, and the other equally optimistic. … Read more
This lady approaches a priest and tells him, “Father, I have a problem. I have these two talking female parrots, but they only know how to say one thing.” “What do they say?” the priest asked. “They only know how to say, ‘Hi, we are prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?’” “That’s terrible!” … Read more
After many years, a young Jewish Talmud student who had left the old country for America returns to visit the family. “But–where is your beard?” asks his mother upon seeing him. “Mama,” he replies, “in America, nobody wears a beard.” “But at least you keep the Sabbath?” “Mama, business is business. In America, everybody works … Read more