There was a priest who decided to enter a monastery. This monastery had strict vows of silence. On his first day, the head abbot told him he could only speak two words every ten years. At the end of his first ten years, the head abbot told him he could speak his first two words. … Read more
An old preacher was dying. He sent a message for his IRS agent and his lawyer (both church members) to come to his home. When they arrived, they were ushered up to his bedroom. As they entered the room, the preacher held out his hands and motioned for them to sit on each side of … Read more
A guy dies and goes to heaven. It’s a slow day for St. Peter, so, upon passing the entrance test, St. Peter says, “I’m not very busy today, why don’t you let me show you around?” The guy thinks this is a great idea and graciously accepts the offer. St. Peter shows him all the … Read more
The Pope had just finished a tour of the East Coast and was taking a limousine to the airport. Having never driven a limo, he asked the chauffeur if he could drive for a while. Well, the chauffeur didn’t have much of a choice, so he climbs in the back of the limo and the … Read more
A man was wandering in the woods, pondering all the mysteries of life and his own personal problems. The man couldn’t find the answers, so he sought help from God. “God? You there, God?” he asked. “Yes. What is it, my son?” God answered. “Mind if I ask a few questions?” the man asked. “Go … Read more
A burglar broke into a house one night. He shone his flashlight around, looking for valuables, and when he picked up a CD player to place in his sack, a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark saying, “Jesus is watching you.” He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight out, and froze. … Read more
A priest was called away for an emergency. Not wanting to leave the confessional unattended, he called his rabbi friend from across the street and asked him to cover for him. The rabbi told him he wouldn’t know what to say, but the priest told him to come on over and he’d stay with him … Read more
There was a priest who was drowning in the ocean. He called out to God for help. All of a sudden, a canoe came and the guy said, “Father, let me help you.” The priest replied, “No, no my son. The Lord will save me.” The canoe leaves and the father calls out to God … Read more
Here is the corrected version: Einstein climbs to the top of Mt. Sinai to get close enough to talk to God. Looking up, he asks the Lord, “God, what does a million years mean to you?” The Lord replies, “A minute.” Einstein asks, “And what does a million dollars mean to you?” The Lord replies, … Read more
Two beggars are sitting on a park bench in Mexico City. One is holding a Cross and one a Star of David. Both are holding hats to collect contributions. People walk by, lift their noses at the man with the Star of David and drop money in the hat held by the man with the … Read more