After a few days on the new Earth, the Lord called to Adam and said, “It is time for you and Eve to begin the process of populating the earth, so I want you to kiss her.” Adam answered, “Yes, Lord, but what is a ‘kiss’?” The Lord gave a brief description to Adam, who … Read more
In the convent, a young nun went to see the mother superior. “Mother, I want to quit the veil.” “But why, my child?” “To become a prostitute.” “What? What are you saying?” “I said I want to become a prostitute, mother.” “Oh, you had me worried. I thought you said protestant!”
Bill and Hillary are out driving in the country near Hillary’s hometown. They are low on fuel, so Bill pulls into a gas station for a fill-up. The attendant comes out and begins to pump gas into the first couple’s tank. As he is doing this, he looks into the passenger window. “Hey, Hillary. We … Read more
Two 80-year-old men sat talking over the weather and the latest in medical science, and such, when one brings up the latest male medical miracle, Viagra. The other wasn’t familiar with Viagra and asked the first man what it was for. The first man said, “It’s the greatest thing I’ve ever known. The Fountain of … Read more
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead were sitting in the OB/GYN’s office. The brunette and the redhead were discussing whether they were having boys or girls. The redhead mentioned that she was on top, and the doctor said that was how to get pregnant with a boy. The blonde, listening, began to cry. The … Read more
One day, a man and his wife are playing golf at their home course. On a certain par four, the man tees it up and hits a big slice into the woods. They find his ball directly behind one of the greenskeeper’s buildings where equipment is stored, so that he can’t play toward the green … Read more
How Dogs and Men Are the Same: 1. Both take up too much space on the bed. 2. Both have irrational fears about vacuum cleaning. 3. Both mark their territory. 4. Neither tells you what’s bothering them. 5. The smaller ones tend to be more nervous. 6. Both have an inordinate fascination with women’s crotches. … Read more
An elderly couple was driving across the country. The woman was driving when she got pulled over by the highway patrol. The officer said, “Ma’am, did you know you were speeding?” The woman, hard of hearing, turns to her husband and asks, “What did he say?” The old man yells, “He says you were speeding!” … Read more
During his visit to the United States, the Pope met with President Clinton. Instead of just an hour as scheduled, the meeting went on for two days. Finally, a weary President Clinton emerged to face the waiting news media. The President was smiling and announced the summit was a resounding success. He said he and … Read more
The Hunchback of Notre Dame dies, so they need to find a new bell-ringer. This guy with no arms comes along and says he can do it. “But you’ve got no arms!” everyone explains. He says, “I’ll use my mouth.” So he uses his mouth to ring the bell and goes flying out of the … Read more