At Duke University, there were four sophomores taking Organic Chemistry. They were doing so well on all the quizzes, midterms, and labs, etc., that each had an “A” so far for the semester. These four friends were so confident that the weekend before finals, they decided to go up to the University of Virginia and … Read more
One day long ago, there was a king who gathered all the people of the land. He said if anyone could swim across the lake (with crocodiles), they would have their choice of a castle, money, or his daughter’s hand in marriage. One man jumped up and yelled, “I can do it!” He tried and … Read more
As he was quietly watching television at home, the chap heard a sound on the roof of his house and rushed out to investigate. Seeing it was a fair-sized gorilla tearing the shingles off his home, he promptly called up the local zoo authorities to inform them one of their animals had escaped. He was … Read more
The manager of a large office noticed a new man one day and told him to come into his office. “What is your name?” was the first thing the manager asked the new guy. “John,” the new guy replied. The manager scowled, “Look, I don’t know what kind of a place you worked at before, … Read more
A lawyer returns to his parked BMW to find the headlights broken and considerable damage to the bonnet. There’s no sign of the offending vehicle, but he’s relieved to see that there’s a note stuck under the windshield wiper. “Sorry. I just backed into your Beemer. The witnesses who saw the accident are nodding and … Read more
Three sons left home, went out on their own, and prospered. Getting back together, they discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother. The first said, “I built a big house for our mother.” The second said, “I sent her a Mercedes.” The third smiled and said, “I’ve got you both beat. … Read more
There was this magician on a ship performing every night. Not noticing, the captain’s parrot watches him every night as he performs the same tricks. After watching him, the parrot finds out how he does it and started to tell the audience. After the parrot told the audience, the ship hit an iceberg and started … Read more
A penguin is driving through Arizona on a hot summer’s day when he notices his oil light is on. He gets out of the car and, sure enough, it’s leaking oil all over the road. The penguin drives around the corner to a service station and asks the mechanic to take a look at it. … Read more
Sure, here is the corrected version: A chicken and an egg check into a cheap motel room. Moments later, the chicken sits up against the headboard and lights a cigarette. The egg says, “Well, that settles that.”
How To Tell When You’re Really Old: – You find yourself listening to talk radio. – Your daughter says she got pierced and you look at her ears. – The pattern on your shorts and couch match. – You fondly remember your powder blue leisure suit. – You think Tragically Hip is when a middle-aged … Read more