A duck walks into a bar. It asks the bartender if he has any crackers. The bartender says, “No.” The next day, the duck walks into the bar and asks the same question. The bartender says, “No, I don’t have any crackers.” The next day, the same thing happens with the same response from the … Read more
A famous art collector is walking through the city when he notices a mangy cat lapping milk from a saucer in the doorway of a store and he does a double take. He recognizes that the saucer is extremely old and very valuable, so he walks casually into the store and offers to buy the … Read more
A duck walks into a bar. He goes up to the bartender and says, “Got any grapes?” The bartender says, “No,” so the duck leaves. The duck comes back the next day, goes up to the bartender, and says, “Got any grapes?” The bartender says, “No,” so the duck leaves. The next day, the duck … Read more
This guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink. He gets his drink, minds his own business, and looks up and down the bar. To his amazement, he is stunned to see a 10-foot pianist on top of the bar. “Hey bartender,” he says, “What is that 10-foot pianist doing on … Read more
A middle-aged man, about 5 feet 8 inches tall, walks into a Walmart and asks where the pharmacy counter is. He is directed to it. When he reaches it, he asks to see the pharmacist. The pharmacist comes, and the man, looking around furtively, asks quietly, “Do you sell Viagra here?” The pharmacist answers firmly, … Read more
There are three guys in a sauna. All of a sudden there is a beep. Guy number one slaps his hand, and guy number two asks what that was. Guy one says he got his beeper implanted in his hand. He goes off and returns his call. A little while later he comes back and … Read more
There was an English man, Irish man, and a Scottish man who all wanted to get into the RAF. So the English man went up to the Sergeant and asked him how to get in the RAF. The Sergeant told him he had to blow up a building without anyone seeing him. That night, he … Read more
Three guys get to heaven: Bob, Larry, and Bill. Before they enter, St. Peter warns them, “Whatever you do, don’t ever, ever step on a duck. Once one quacks, they all do, and they make a terrible racket.” Bob enters heaven and immediately steps on a duck. An angel comes up to him and chains … Read more
1. Calculate the smallest limb diameter on a persimmon tree that will support a 10-pound possum. 2. Which of the following cars will rust out the quickest when placed on blocks in your front yard? A. ’66 Ford Fairlane B. ’69 Chevrolet Chevelle C. ’64 Pontiac GTO 3. If your uncle builds a still that … Read more
There is a bear chasing a rabbit through the forest. They’re running and running until they stop because a genie appears. The genie says, “If you two stop fighting and chasing each other, I’ll give you each three wishes.” They agree. The bear wishes first for the biggest “package” of all the bears in the … Read more