Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods. A small tree begins to grow between them. The beech says to the birch: “Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?” The birch says he cannot tell. Just then a woodpecker lands on the sapling. The … Read more
Great news! Some of the old favorite singers and bands have re-released their great hits with new titles and lyrics to accommodate their aging audience. Some examples include: – Herman’s Hermits: “Mrs. Brown You’ve Got a Lovely Walker” – The Rolling Stones: “You Can’t Always Pee When You Want” – Creedence Clearwater Revival: “Bad Prune … Read more
A man who drank only beer all his life walked into his regular bar. He asks the bartender, “Give me a shot of whiskey fast.” The bartender says to the man, “You have been coming in here for years and all you drink is beer. What seems to be the trouble?” The man replies, “I … Read more
Three rednecks, Bubba, Earl, and Jeb, were stumbling home late one night and found themselves on the road that led past the old graveyard. “Come have a look over here,” says Bubba, “It’s Zeb Jones’ grave, God bless his soul, he lived to the ripe old age of 87.” “That’s nothing,” says Earl, “here’s one … Read more
An old man decided his old wife was getting hard of hearing. So he called her doctor to make an appointment to have her hearing checked. The Doctor said he could see her in two weeks, and meanwhile there’s a simple, informal test the husband could do to give the doctor some idea of the … Read more
On reaching his plane seat, a man is surprised to see a parrot strapped in next to him. He asks the stewardess for a coffee, whereupon the parrot squawks, “And get me a whisky, you cow!” The stewardess, flustered, brings back a whisky for the parrot and forgets the coffee. When this omission is pointed … Read more
– *Oops!* Has anyone seen my watch? – That was some party last night. I can’t remember when I’ve been that drunk. – *Damn!* Page 47 of the manual is missing! – Well, this book doesn’t say that… What edition is your manual? – OK, now take a picture from this angle. This is truly … Read more
“Sixty is the worst age to be,” said the 60-year-old. “You always feel like you have to pee. And most of the time, you stand at the toilet and nothing comes out!” “Ah, that’s nothin’,” said the 70-year-old. “When you’re seventy, you can’t even crap anymore. You take laxatives, then you sit on the toilet … Read more
At the police station, Bubba explained to the police officer why his cousins shot him. “Well,” Bubba began, “We wuz havin’ a good time drinking, when my cousin Ray picked up his shotgun and said, ‘Hey, der ya fellows wanna go hunting?’” “And then what happened?” the officer interrupted. “From what I remember,” Bubba said, … Read more
The Shortest Books Ever Written: – 1000 Years of German Humor – Everything Men Know About Women – The Code of Ethics for Lawyers – Italian War Heroes – Who’s Who in Puerto Rico – Americans’ Guide to Etiquette – Royal Family’s Guide to Good Marriages – Safe Places to Travel in the USA – … Read more