Know Your State Sotto Alabama: Hell Yes, We Have Electricity Alaska: 11,623 Eskimos Can’t Be Wrong! Arizona: But It’s A Dry Heat Arkansas: Literacy Ain’t Everything California: By 30, Our Women Have More Plastic Than Your Honda Colorado: If You Don’t Ski, Don’t Bother Connecticut: Like Massachusetts, Only The Kennedy’s Don’t Own It, Yet! Delaware: … Read more
The judge asked the defendant to please stand. “You are charged with murdering a school teacher with a chainsaw.” From out in the gallery, a man shouts, “Lying bastard!” “Silence in the court!” the Judge says to the man who shouted. He turns to the defendant and says, “You are also charged with killing a … Read more
While crossing the US-Mexican border on his bicycle, the man was stopped by a guard who pointed to two sacks the man had on his shoulders. “What’s in the bags?” asked the guard. “Sand,” said the cyclist. “Get them off – we’ll take a look,” said the guard. The cyclist did as he was told, … Read more
1. Fidel Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally but President Clinton has banned all smoking — damn you, Chelsea! 2. Spotted Owl plague threatens Western American crops and livestock. 3. Hunt continues for Osama bin Laden; believed sighted at Yassar Arafat’s tomb in Detroit. 4. 35-year study proclaims … Read more
IN PRISON: – You spend the majority of your time in an 8×10 cell. – You get three meals a day. – You get time off for good behavior. – A guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you. – You can watch TV and play games. – You get your own toilet. – … Read more
A man is in bed with his wife when there is a knock at the door. He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it’s 3:30 in the morning. “I’m not getting out of bed at this time,” he thinks, and rolls over. Then a louder knock follows. “Aren’t you going to answer that?” … Read more
My brother-in-law and I decided to spend the long weekend getting back to nature. We rented a trailer, took off to a secluded lake, got into our brand-new hiking gear, and promptly got lost. We tried all the tactics we could remember from movies to figure out what direction we were headed. Moss on the … Read more
On a visit to my wife’s native England for our honeymoon, we arrived at London’s Gatwick Airport. My wife headed for the British passport control line while I, an American, waited in the foreigners’ line. When my turn came, the customs officer asked me the purpose of my visit. “Pleasure,” I replied. “I’m on my … Read more
It was autumn, and the Indians on a remote reservation asked their new Chief if the winter was going to be cold or mild. Since he was an Indian Chief in a modern society, he had never been taught the old secrets, so when he looked at the sky he couldn’t tell what the weather … Read more
A man with a bald head and a wooden leg gets invited to a fancy costume party. He doesn’t know what costume to wear to hide his head and his leg…so he writes to a fancy dress company to explain the problem. A few days later he receives a parcel with a note: “Dear Sir, … Read more