The teacher gave her fifth-grade class an assignment: Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day, the kids came back and one by one began to tell their stories. Ashley said, “My father’s a farmer, and we have a lot of egg-laying hens. One … Read more
A guy goes into a costume shop. He says, “I’m going to a Halloween party, and I want to go as Adam.” The girl brings out a fig leaf. But he says, “Not big enough!” So she brings out a bigger one. “Still not big enough!” So she brings out a HUGE fig leaf. “Still … Read more
Once upon a time, there lived a woman who had a maddening passion for baked beans. She loved them, but unfortunately, they always had a very embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction to her. Then one day, she met a guy and fell in love. When it became apparent that they would marry, she thought to … Read more
Three guys, a Canadian, Bin Laden, and Uncle Sam are given one wish each by an Arabian genie. The Canadian says, “My family has been in farming for ten generations; I wish for all Canadian land to be fertile.” POOF, he gets his wish. Bin Laden says, “I love the land I live in and … Read more
1-star hangover – No pain. No real feeling of illness. You slept in your own bed and when you woke up there were no traffic cones in there with you. You are still able to function relatively well on the energy stored up from all those vodka red bulls. However, you can drink 10 bottles … Read more
This old man visits his doctor and after a thorough examination, the doctor tells him, “I have good news and bad news, what would you like to hear first?” Patient: Well, give me the bad news first. Doctor: You have cancer, I estimate that you have about two years left. Patient: That’s terrible! In two … Read more
Alabama: At Least We’re not Mississippi Alaska: 11,623 Eskimos Can’t be Wrong! Arizona: Dehyd-rific! Arkansas: Litterasy Ain’t Everthing California: As Seen on TV Colorado: If You Don’t Ski, Don’t Bother Connecticut: Like Massachusetts, Only Dirtier and With Less Character Delaware: (this was left blank–does this mean Delaware is too small to have a motto?) Florida: … Read more
A San Diego patrolman pulled over a driver and told him that because he was wearing his seat belt, he had just won $5000 in a safety competition. “What are you going to do with the money?” the officer asked. “I guess I’ll go to driving school and get my license,” the man answered. “Don’t … Read more
Little Leroy went to his mother demanding a new bicycle. His mother decided that he should take a look at himself and the way he acts. She said, “Well, Leroy, it isn’t Christmas and we don’t have the money to just go out and buy you anything you want. Why don’t you write a letter … Read more
One day, a horse and a chicken were walking along the farm, talking quietly to themselves. Suddenly, the horse falls into a hole that he didn’t see. The horse says to the chicken, “Go get the farmer. He’ll know what to do.” So, the chicken runs off. About 10 minutes later, the horse hears a … Read more