GHOST POOPIE: The kind where you feel the poopie come out, but there is no poopie in the toilet. CLEAN POOPIE: The kind where you poopie it out, see it in the toilet, but there is nothing on the toilet paper. WET POOPIE: The kind where you wipe your butt 50 times and it still … Read more
On a recent transatlantic flight, a plane passes through a severe storm. The turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse when one wing is struck by lightning. One woman in particular loses it. Screaming, she stands up in the front of the plane. “I’m too young to die,” she wails. Then she … Read more
A man who was involved in a serious motorcycle accident was unable to speak when he first regained consciousness. Wishing to know how long he had been unconscious, he took a piece of paper and a pencil from the bedside table and, after writing “Date?” on it, gave it to his nurse. She handed it … Read more
Many, many years ago, when I was twenty-three, I got married to a widow who was pretty as could be. This widow had a grown-up daughter with flowing hair of red. My father fell in love with her, and soon the two were wed. This made my dad my son-in-law and changed my very life. … Read more
On the first day, God created the cow. God said, “You must go to the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves, and give milk to support the farmer… for that, I will give you a lifespan of sixty years.” The cow said, “That’s kind of a tough … Read more
In a train car, there was a Canadian, an American, a spectacular-looking blonde, and a frightfully awful-looking fat lady. After several minutes of the trip, the train happened to pass through a dark tunnel, and the unmistakable sound of a slap was heard. When they left the tunnel, the American had a big red slap … Read more
A policeman pulls over a driver for swerving in and out of lanes on the highway. He tells the guy to blow a breath into a breathalyzer. “I can’t do that, officer.” “Why not?” “Because I’m an asthmatic. I could get an asthma attack if I blow into that tube.” “Okay, we’ll just get a … Read more
Nellie, shopping at her local supermarket, selects a quart of milk, a dozen eggs, a pound of bacon, and a quart of orange juice. A drunk standing behind her watches as she places the items in front of the cashier. He says to her, “You must be single.” The woman, startled but intrigued by the … Read more
Three doctors are waiting in line to get into the pearly gates. St. Peter walks out and asks the first one, “What have you done to enter Heaven?” “I am a pediatrician and have brought thousands of the Lord’s babies into the world.” “Good enough to enter the gates,” replied St. Peter and in he … Read more
Two medical students were walking along the street when they saw an old man walking with his legs spread apart. One of the students said to his friend: “I’m sure he has Petry Syndrome – those people walk just like that.” The other student said: “No, I don’t think so. The old man surely has … Read more