Things you’d really like to say at work: 1. I can see your point, but you’re still full of crap. 2. I don’t know what your problem is, but I’ll bet it’s hard to pronounce. 3. I see you’ve set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public. 4. I’ll try being nicer if … Read more
These are the names of some romantic countries in the world: H.O.L.L.A.N.D. – Hope Our Love Lasts And Never Dies. I.T.A.L.Y. – I Trust And Love You. L.I.B.Y.A. – Love Is Beautiful; You Also. F.R.A.N.C.E. – Friendships Remain And Never Can End. C.H.I.N.A. – Come Here….. I Need Affection. B.U.R.M.A. – Between Us, Remember Me … Read more
A newlywed couple arrive at their honeymoon suite and prepare to have sex for the first time. As they start to settle under the covers, she tells her husband, “I’ve got a confession. I’m not a virgin, but I’ve been with only one man.” The husband thinks for a second and says, “Well, it’s 2003, … Read more
A drunk walks into a bar, sits down, and demands a drink. “Get out,” says the bartender. “I don’t serve drunks here.” The drunk staggers out the front door, only to come back in through the side door. He sits at the bar, bangs his fist, and demands a drink. “I just told you to … Read more
John had just finished having his yearly medical examination and was waiting for the doctor to return to his office with the test results. When the doctor finally returns, he has a very sad look on his face. “Well, doc, what’s the word? How does everything look?” asks John. “John, I really don’t know how … Read more
As a little girl climbed onto Santa’s lap, Santa asked the usual, “And what would you like for Christmas?” The child stared at him open-mouthed and horrified for a minute, then gasped, “Didn’t you get my email?”
A priest gets a haircut in a Washington barbershop. He then asks how much he owes. “No charge, Father,” the barber said. “I consider it a service to the Lord.” The next morning, the barber finds two dozen small prayer booklets on his stoop. Two days later, a police officer comes in for a cut … Read more
The college professor had just finished explaining an important research project to his class. The professor emphasized that this paper was an absolute requirement for passing his class, and that there would be only two acceptable excuses for being late: a medically certifiable illness or a death in the student’s immediate family. A student in … Read more
John was driving when a policeman pulled him over. He rolled down his window and said to the officer, “Is there a problem, Officer?” “No problem at all. I just observed your safe driving and am pleased to award you a $5,000 Safe Driver Award. Congratulations. What do you think you’re going to do with … Read more
A high school English teacher reminds her class of tomorrow’s final exam. “Now class, I won’t tolerate any excuses for you not being there tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family – but that’s it, no other excuses whatsoever!” A smart-ass … Read more