A farmer is sitting in the neighborhood bar slowly getting drunk. A man comes in and asks the farmer, “Hey, why are you sitting here on this beautiful day getting drunk?” The farmer says, “Some things you just can’t explain.” “So what happened that is so horrible?” the man asked. The farmer then decides to … Read more
The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing $1000 bet. The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass and hand the lemon to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the … Read more
1. I can’t reach my license unless you hold my beer. 2. Sorry, Officer, I didn’t realize my radar detector wasn’t plugged in. 3. Aren’t you that guy from the Village People? 4. Hey, you must have been doin’ at least 120 mph to keep up with me… Good job! 5. Didn’t I see you … Read more
The Los Angeles Police Department (LAPD), the FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it. The CIA goes in. They place animal informants … Read more
The local sheriff was looking for a deputy, so Gomer – who was not exactly the sharpest nail in the bucket – went in to try out for the job. “Okay,” the sheriff drawled, “Gomer, what is 1 and 1?” “11,” he replied. The sheriff thought to himself, “That’s not what I meant, but he’s … Read more
A fellow finds himself in front of the Pearly Gates. St. Peter explains that it’s not so easy to get into heaven. There are some criteria before entry is allowed. For example, was the man religious in life? Did he attend church? No? St. Peter told him that’s bad. Was he generous? Did he give … Read more
An Irishman finds a bottle in his garden, and when he rubs it, a genie comes out. “You have three wishes,” the genie says. The Irishman thinks for a little while, and then he says: “I would like to have a bottle of the finest whisky in the world, and that no matter how much … Read more
A Jewish man took his Passover lunch to eat outside in the park. He sat down on a bench and began eating. A little while later, a blind man came by and sat down next to him. Feeling neighborly, the Jewish man passed a sheet of matzo to the blind man. The blind man handled … Read more
A cabbie picks up a nun. She gets into the cab, and the cab driver won’t stop staring at her. She asks him why he is staring, and he replies, “I have a question to ask you but I don’t want to offend you.” She answers, “My dear son, you cannot offend me. When you’re … Read more
One morning, a Black guy, a Jewish guy, a Mexican, and a regular white guy were sitting on a bench waiting for the bus. While stretching his legs, the Black guy accidentally kicks an old lamp that was laying on the sidewalk. Suddenly they were enveloped in smoke and from it emerged a huge genie. … Read more