Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said, “Where did you get such a great bike?” The second engineer replied, “Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, … Read more
Heaven is when you have: – An American salary – A British home – Chinese food – A Swiss economy – An Italian body – Japanese technology – An African tool – An Indian wife Hell is when you have: – An American wife – A British body – Chinese tool – Swiss food – … Read more
One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Jack says to Mike behind him, “My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I better see a doctor.” “Listen, you don’t have to spend that kind of money,” Mike replies. “There’s a diagnostic computer at the drugstore at the corner. Just give it a urine sample and … Read more
A man lay sprawled across three entire seats in a theater. When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the man, “Sorry, sir, but you’re only allowed one seat.” The man groaned but didn’t budge. The usher became impatient. “Sir, if you don’t get up from there I’m going to have to … Read more
A little rabbit is happily running through the forest when he stumbles upon a giraffe rolling a joint. The rabbit looks at her and says, “Giraffe my friend, why do you do this? Come with me running through the forest, you’ll see, you’ll feel so much better!” The giraffe looks at him, looks at the … Read more
A man goes into a restaurant with his wife. The waiter approaches the table and asks for their order. “I’ll have your biggest, juiciest steak,” he says. “But sir, what about the mad cow?!” asks the waiter. “Oh,” answers the man, “she’ll order for herself.”
There were these two cows, chatting over the fence between their fields. The first cow said, “I tell you, this mad-cow disease is really pretty scary. They say it is spreading fast; I heard it hit some cows down on the Johnson Farm.” The other cow replies, “Hell, I ain’t worried, it don’t affect us … Read more
Three engineers and three accountants are traveling by train to a conference. At the station, the three accountants each buy tickets and watch as the three engineers buy only a single ticket. “How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?” asks an accountant. “Watch and you’ll see,” answers an engineer. They all … Read more
A cute little old lady goes to the doctor and says, “Doctor, I have this problem with gas, but it really doesn’t bother me too much. It never smells and is always silent. As a matter of fact, I’ve farted at least 10 times since I’ve been here in your office. You didn’t know I … Read more
There’s an Englishman, an Irishman, and a Scotsman being chased by a policeman. They see an old warehouse and run inside. There are three empty sacks on the floor, and each of them jumps into a sack. The policeman enters and sees the three bundles on the floor. He goes up to the first one … Read more