A guy was sitting quietly reading his paper when his wife walked up behind him and whacked him on the head with a magazine. “What was that for?” he asked. “That was for the piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name Mary Lou written on it,” she replied. “Two weeks ago when … Read more
Little Johnny and Jenny are only 10 years old, but they just know that they are in love. One day they decide that they want to get married, so Johnny goes to Jenny’s father to ask him for her hand. Johnny bravely walks up to him and says, “Mr. Smith, me and Jenny are in … Read more
Three men are traveling in the Amazon: a Canadian, an American, and a Mexican. They get captured by a fierce tribe of Amazons. The tribe leader tells them they will be whipped for entering their territory. The tribe chief says to the Canadian, “What do you want on your back for your whipping?” The Canadian … Read more
A Jewish man and a Chinese man were conversing. The Jewish man commented upon what a wise people the Chinese are. “Yes,” replied the Chinese, “Our culture is over 4,000 years old. But, you Jews are a very wise people, too.” The Jewish man replied, “Yes, our culture is over 5,000 years old.” The Chinese … Read more
An Englishman and a Scotsman are driving head-on, at night, on a twisty, dark road. Both are driving too fast for the conditions and collide on a sharp bend in the road. To the amazement of both, they are unscathed, though their cars are both destroyed. In celebration of their luck, both agree to put … Read more
Three Scots and three Englishmen are traveling by train to a football match. At the station, the three Englishmen each buy tickets and watch as the three Scots buy only a single ticket. “How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?” asked one of the three Englishmen. “Watch and you’ll see,” answers … Read more
MacDonald was in poor health. He asked his friend MacDougal if he would pour a bottle of scotch over his grave if he should die one of these days. MacDougal said, “Sure’n I’ll be glad, laddie, but would you mind if I passed it through my kidneys first?”
Arthur Davidson, inventor of the Harley Davidson motorcycle corporation, died and went to heaven. At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur, “Since you’ve been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is that you can hang out with anyone you want in heaven.” Arthur thought about it for a … Read more
A young woman, who was at her father’s funeral, asked her mother, “Mom, how did Dad die?” Her mom replied, “Heart attack.” “What was he doing?” the daughter asked. Her mother said, “Well, we were having sex.” This infuriated the daughter because they were both 80 years old. The daughter said, “You guys are 80 … Read more
A man and a woman, who have never met before, find themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a transcontinental train. Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, the two are tired and fall asleep quickly…he in the upper bunk and she in the lower. At 1:00 AM, he leans over and … Read more