An English tourist went to Texas. He got off the bus in Fort Worth and asked, “Where’s a good place to eat?” A man said, “Right down the road is a men’s club.” The man didn’t realize they had a swimming pool, a work-out room, indoor squash, and racquetball. He just walked to the restaurant … Read more
An explorer in the deepest Amazon suddenly finds himself surrounded by a bloodthirsty group of natives. Upon surveying his situation, he says to himself: “I’m screwed.” There is a ray of light from the sky and a voice booms out: “No, you are NOT screwed. Pick up that stone in front of you and bash … Read more
A man enters a cafe, sits down, and notices that the special of the day is cold chili. When the waitress comes to take his order, he says, “I’ll take the cold chili.” “I’m sorry, the gentlemen next to you got the last bowl,” says the waitress. “Oh. I’ll just have coffee, then.” After a … Read more
Two Arabs boarded a flight out of London. One took a window seat and the other sat next to him in the middle seat. Just before takeoff, an American sat down in the aisle seat. After takeoff, the American kicked his shoes off, wiggled his toes, and was settling in when the Arab in the … Read more
Two priests died at the same time and met Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter said, “I’d like to get you guys in now, but our computer is down. You’ll have to go back to Earth for about a week, but you can’t go back as priests. So what else would you like … Read more
A man is driving on a city bus with a newspaper on his knee. From time to time, he rips a piece off, ripping that piece into smaller ones and throwing them out the window. A passenger standing near him asks: – Excuse me, why are you throwing pieces of paper out the window? – … Read more
A blind man is walking down the street with his seeing-eye dog one day. They come to a busy intersection, and the dog, ignoring the high volume of traffic zooming by on the street, leads the blind man right out into the thick of traffic. This is followed by the screech of tires and horns … Read more
It was opening night at the theatre, and the Amazing Claude was topping the bill. People came from miles around to see the famed hypnotist do his stuff. As Claude took to the stage, he announced, “Unlike most stage hypnotists who invite two or three people up onto the stage to be put into a … Read more
There was a party that many rich people attended. The host had recently built a tank with many alligators, piranhas, and many other things that could kill you. The host said that if anyone could swim across the tank, he would, to the best of his ability, grant them 3 wishes. Well, nobody was up … Read more
A young man saw an elderly couple sitting down to lunch at McDonald’s. He noticed that they had ordered one meal and an extra drink cup. As he watched, the gentleman carefully divided the hamburger in half, then counted out the fries—one for him, one for her—until each had half of them. Then he poured … Read more