Ben and Haley had gotten up in years, and their memories weren’t quite what they used to be. They found it beneficial to write things down so as not to forget them. One evening they were sitting in the parlor and Haley said, “Ben, be a dear and go to the kitchen and fix me … Read more
Two bone-weary public servants were working their hearts and souls out in a department that was too busy for staff to take flex. But there had to be a way… One of the two public servants suddenly lifted his head. “I know how to get some time off work,” the man whispered. “How?” asked the … Read more
A man died and went to heaven. As he stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. He asked, “What are all those clocks?” St. Peter answered, “Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie the hands on your … Read more
Two guys get busted for smoking dope, so they have to go into court on a Friday. They go to court, and the judge says, “If you can convince more than 5 people to stop doing drugs for the rest of their lives, you won’t be sent to jail.” So the two men agree, and … Read more
A pregnant woman goes to the doctor for results of a test. The doctor invites her in to sit down. “I’m sorry to tell you, Mrs. Smith, that your baby has some serious problems.” “What problems, doctor? I mean, when it arrives, I’ll love it. It’s my child and I’ll love it regardless.” “Well, yes, … Read more
Three guys work on a construction site. One is white, one is black, and one is Polish. The bell rings for lunch, and the white man opens his lunch bag and sighs deeply, saying, “If my wife packs me a ham sandwich again tomorrow, I’m jumping off the building.” The black guy opens up his … Read more
A man with no arms walked into a bar and asked for a beer. The bartender shoved the foaming glass in front of him. “Look,” said the customer, “I have no arms – would you please hold the glass up to my mouth?” “Sure,” said the bartender, and he did. “Now,” said the customer, “I … Read more
After a Beer Festival in London, all the brewery presidents decided to go out for a beer. The guy from Corona sits down and says, “Hey Sen~or, I would like the world’s best beer, a Corona.” The bartender dusts off a bottle from the shelf and gives it to him. The guy from Budweiser says, … Read more
Mrs. O’Donovan was walking down O’Connell Street in Dublin, and coming in the opposite direction was Father Rafferty. “Hello,” said the Father, “and how is Mrs. O’Donovan? Didn’t I marry you two years ago?” She replied, “That you did, Father.” The priest asked, “And are there any little ones yet?” “No, not yet, Father,” she … Read more
A vampire bat came flapping in from the night covered in fresh blood and parked himself on the roof of the cave to get some sleep. Pretty soon all the other bats smelt the blood and began hassling him about where he got it. He told them to go away and let him get some … Read more