An old man was wondering if his wife had a hearing problem. So one night, he stood behind her while she was sitting in her lounge chair. He spoke softly to her, “Honey, can you hear me?” There was no response. He moved a little closer and said again, “Honey, can you hear me?” Still, … Read more
Two tigers were stalking through the jungles of Asia. Suddenly, the one to the rear reached out with his tongue and licked the posterior of the tiger in front of him. The startled front tiger turned and said, “Cut it out.” The rear tiger apologized, and they continued onward. About five minutes later, it happened … Read more
An accountant spends a week at his new office with the accountant he is replacing. On the last day, the departing accountant tells him that he has left two envelopes in the desk drawer. Envelope number 1 should be opened if he ever encounters any sort of crisis in the job, and envelope number 2 … Read more
Two friends, Sullivan and O’Doule, worked together at the Guinness Brewery in Dublin. They hadn’t been working there very long when one day, with no warning, O’Doule falls into one of the vats. To make a long story short, Sullivan’s lifelong pal drowns. Sullivan, being O’Doule’s best friend, feels obligated to go to the widow … Read more
A man returns to the U.S. from Africa feeling very ill. He goes to see his doctor and is immediately rushed to the hospital to undergo a barrage of extensive tests. The man wakes up after the tests in a private room at the hospital, and the phone by his bed rings. “This is your … Read more
An American man, a Russian man, and an African man were all up in a hot-air balloon together. After a few minutes, the Russian man put his hand down through the clouds. “Aaah!” he said. “We’re right over my homeland.” “How can you tell?” asked the American. “I can feel the cold air,” he replied. … Read more
Airman Jones was assigned to the induction center, where he advised new recruits about their government benefits, especially their GI insurance. It wasn’t long before Captain Smith noticed that Airman Jones was having a staggeringly high success rate, selling insurance to nearly 100% of the recruits he advised. Rather than asking him about this, the … Read more
Brenda O’Malley is home making dinner, as usual, when Tim Finnegan arrives at her door. “Brenda, may I come in?” he asks. “I’ve somethin’ to tell ya.” “Of course you can come in, you’re always welcome, Tim. But where’s my husband?” “That’s what I’m here to be tellin’ ya, Brenda. There was an accident down … Read more
A drunk was staggering down the main street of town. Somehow he managed to make it up the stairs to the cathedral and into the building, where he crashed from pew to pew, finally making his way to a side aisle and into a confessional. A priest had been observing the man’s sorry progress and … Read more
A man charged with assault and battery insisted at his trial that he had just pushed his victim “a little bit”. When he was pressured by the prosecutor to illustrate just how hard, the defendant approached the lawyer, slapped him in the face, grabbed him firmly by the lapels, and flung him over the table. … Read more