A man walked into Joe’s Barber Shop for his regular haircut. As he snips away, Joe asks, “What’s up?” The man proceeds to explain he’s taking a vacation to Rome. “ROME?!” Joe says, “Why would you want to go there? It’s a crowded dirty city full of Italians! You’d be crazy to go to Rome! … Read more
These two convicts were about to be executed. The Warden says to the first one, “Do you have a last request?” The convict says, “Yes. I’d like to hear a Christina Aguilera song one last time.” The Warden says, “OK, I think we can arrange that.” Then he says to the second convict, “How about … Read more
A blind man walks into a department store with his guide dog on a leash. As usual, the store manager behind the customer service counter looks up, notices the customer is blind, and not wanting to stare, quickly looks away again. Out of the corner of his eye, the manager sees the blind man start … Read more
Sam has been in the computer business for 25 years and is finally sick of the stress. He quits his job and buys 50 acres of land in Vermont as far from humanity as possible. Sam sees the postman once a week and gets groceries once a month. Otherwise it’s total peace and quiet. After … Read more
An elderly man in Phoenix calls his son Bob in New York and says, “I hate to ruin your day, but your mother and I are divorcing. Forty-five years of misery is enough! I’m sick of her, and I’m sick of talking about this, so call your sister in Boston and tell her,” and then … Read more
A guy goes to the doctor for a checkup and the doctor says, “Well sir, I have bad news and I have worse news.” The guy says, “Well, give me the worst news first.” The doc says, “Well sir, you have Cancer.” The guy says, “That’s terrible news, but what’s the bad news?” The doc … Read more
One day an out-of-work mime was visiting the zoo, where he attempted to earn some money as a street performer. Unfortunately, as soon as he started to draw a crowd, a zookeeper grabbed him and dragged him into his office. The zookeeper explained to the mime that the zoo’s most popular attraction, a gorilla named … Read more
One evening, a family brings their frail, elderly mother to a nursing home and leaves her, hoping she will be well cared for. The next morning, the nurses bathe her, feed her a tasty breakfast, and set her in a chair at a window overlooking a lovely flower garden. She seems okay, but after a … Read more
At communion, you go back for seconds. You think of a lottery ticket as an investment. You’re formulating a plan to rob the food bank. Long-distance companies don’t call you to switch. You give blood every day… just for the orange juice. McDonald’s is the supplier of all your kitchen condiments. American Express calls and … Read more
An elderly man and his wife decided to separate. Before being allowed to do so legally, the Family Court insisted they undergo some counselling from the marriage guidance service to see if their union could be saved. The counsellor did her best, but to no avail. The old folk were absolutely determined to go through … Read more