An elderly man lay dying in his bed. In death’s agony, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite sugar cookies wafting up the stairs. He gathered enough strength to get out of bed. Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom. With even greater effort, he forced his bony … Read more
As an old man was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife’s voice urgently warning him, “Herman, I just heard on the news that there’s a car going the wrong way on Route 280. Please be careful!” “It’s not just one car,” said Herman, “It’s hundreds of them!”
While attending a convention, three psychiatrists take a walk. “People are always coming to us with their guilt and fears,” one says, “but we have no one to go to with our own problems.” “Since we’re all professionals,” another suggests, “why don’t we hear each other out right now?” They agree this is a good … Read more
The day after a man lost his wife in a scuba diving accident, he was greeted by two grim-faced policemen at his door. “We’re sorry to call on you at this hour, Mr. Wilkens, but we have some information about your wife,” one of the policemen said. “Well, tell me!” the man said. The policeman … Read more
The warden of the prison walked into Death Row and stopped in front of one of the cells. He said to the inmate, “I’m sorry, but the Governor has rejected your plea for clemency and the execution will have to go forward. Do you have any last wishes or requests?” The prisoner thought for a … Read more
The day care bus driver drives with a bus full of Sun City seniors down a highway when a little old lady taps him on his shoulder. She offers him a handful of almonds, which he gratefully munches up. 15 minutes later she taps him on his shoulder again and hands him another handful of … Read more
An old man was eating in a truck stop when three bikers walked in. The first walked up to the old man, pushed his cigarette into the old man’s pie, and then took a seat at the counter. The second walked up to the old man, spit into the old man’s milk, and then he … Read more
A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom. “Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight 293, nonstop from New York to Los Angeles. The weather ahead is good and therefore we should have a smooth and … Read more
A tourist guide was talking with a group of school kids at Yellowstone Park when one of the kids asked him if he had ever come face-to-face with a wolf. “Yes, I came face to face with a wolf once. And as luck would have it, I was alone and without a weapon.” “What did … Read more
A man is walking down the street when he sees a sign in the window of a travel agency that says CRUISES – $100. He goes into the agency and hands the guy $100. The travel agent then whacks him over the head with a baseball bat and throws him in the river. Another man … Read more