This woman rushed to see her doctor, looking very much worried and all strung out. She rattles off: “Doctor, take a look at me. When I woke up this morning, I looked at myself in the mirror and saw my hair all wiry and frazzled up, my skin was all wrinkled and pasty, my eyes … Read more
A general noticed one of his soldiers behaving oddly. The soldier would pick up any piece of paper he found, frown and say: “That’s not it,” and put it down again. This went on for some time, until the general arranged to have the soldier psychologically tested. The psychologist concluded that the soldier was deranged, … Read more
A man walks into a bar and says to the bartender: “I want a 12-year-old scotch, and don’t try to fool me because I can tell the difference.” The bartender is skeptical and decides to try to trick the man with a 5-year-old scotch. The man takes a sip, scowls and says: “Hey, Bartender, this … Read more
A Texan walks into a pub in Ireland and clears his voice to the crowd of drinkers. He says, “I hear you Irish are damn good drinkers. I’ll give $500 American dollars to anybody in here who can drink 10 pints of Guinness back-to-back.” The room is quiet and no one takes up the Texan’s … Read more
It was Christmas, and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the defendant, “What are you charged with?” “Doing my Christmas shopping early, sir,” replied the defendant. “Well, that’s not a crime,” said the judge. “How early were you doing this shopping?” “Before the store opened,” answered the prisoner.
A team of sociologists has planned an experiment in isolation. They send an American, a Frenchman, and a Japanese man to a deserted island and arrange to come back and pick them up in a year’s time to see how they have adapted. The sociologists leave, and the three men decide to split up the … Read more
The Joneses were unable to conceive children and elected to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Jones kissed his wife and said, “I’m off. The man should be here soon.” Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer rang the … Read more
The aspiring psychiatrists were attending their first class on emotional extremes. “Just to establish some parameters,” said the professor to the student from Arkansas, “What is the opposite of joy?” “Sadness,” said the student. “And the opposite of depression?” he asked of the young lady from Oklahoma. “Elation,” she said. “And you, sir,” he said … Read more
A priest goes to a hairdressing salon, has a haircut, thanks the hairdresser and asks him how much he owes. The hairdresser replies, “Father, you’re a holy man, a man of the cloth, I just couldn’t charge you anything, it’s on the house.” The priest is most grateful and says, “Thank you, my son” and … Read more
One evening, a family brings their frail, elderly mother to a nursing home and leaves her, hoping she will be well cared for. The next morning, the nurses bathe her, feed her a tasty breakfast, and set her in a chair at a window overlooking a lovely flower garden. She seems okay, but after a … Read more