An elderly man lay dying in his bed. In death’s agony, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite chocolate chip cookies wafting up the stairs. He gathered his remaining strength and lifted himself from the bed. Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with even greater effort … Read more
A woman went to her plastic surgeon to discuss her frown lines. The surgeon brought out a dial. “If you see any wrinkles, just twist this dial and it will stretch your skin.” The woman tried the dial and it was working great! But after three years with the dial, she had to see the … Read more
Here is the corrected version of the text: A young man wanted to purchase a gift for his new sweetheart’s birthday, and as they had not been dating very long, after careful consideration he decided a pair of gloves would strike the right note: romantic, but not too personal. Accompanied by his sweetheart’s younger sister, … Read more
A young couple left the church and arrived at the hotel where they were spending the first night of their honeymoon. They opened the champagne and began undressing. When the bridegroom removed his socks, his new wife asked, “Ewww – what’s wrong with your feet? Your toes look all mangled and weird. Why are your … Read more
A girl walked up to the information desk in her local hospital and said, “I need to see the intern, please.” “I think you mean the ‘intern,’ don’t you?” asked the nurse on duty. “Yes,” said the girl. “I want to have an examination.” “Don’t you mean ‘examination’?” the nurse questioned her again. “Well, I … Read more
A little old lady told a friend of mine the other day when they were standing in line together that all she had ever wanted to have in life was four animals. My friend, who has a large dog and a big heart for strays, said, “Oh really, what kind of animals did you want?” … Read more
Paddy and his two friends are talking at a bar. His first friend says: “I think my wife is having an affair with the electrician. The other day I came home and found wire cutters under our bed and they weren’t mine.” His second friend says: “I think my wife is having an affair with … Read more
A teacher was trying to get one of her students to understand a math problem by asking him this: If there are 3 birds on a powerline and a man shot one of them, how many birds are left. He answered none, because the gunshot scared the other birds away. She answered back, “I like … Read more
A woman and a man are involved in a car accident. It’s a bad one. Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them are hurt. After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, “So you’re a man, that’s interesting. I’m a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There’s … Read more
A young and beautiful woman gets into the elevator, smelling like expensive perfume. She turns to the old Italian woman on the elevator with her and says arrogantly, “Giorgio – Beverly Hills, $100 an ounce!” Another young and beautiful woman gets on the elevator and also smells of very expensive perfume. She arrogantly turns to … Read more