A lady walks into a Mercedes dealership. She browses around, then spots the perfect car and walks over to inspect it. As she bends to feel the fine leather upholstery, a loud fart escapes her. Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her little accident and hopes a salesperson doesn’t … Read more
A woman walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist for some arsenic. Surprised, the pharmacist asks, “Madam, what do you want with arsenic?” The woman replies that she wants to kill her husband. Horrified, the pharmacist says, “Madam, I can’t sell you arsenic to kill a person!” The woman reaches into her handbag, takes … Read more
It was World War II, and the captain was attempting to rally the GIs on the eve of a big offensive. “Out there is your enemy,” said the captain. “The man who has made your life miserable all these weeks, who has been working to destroy you since you came here; the man who has … Read more
This elderly lady went to the doctor for a checkup. Everything checked out fine. The old lady pulled the doctor to the side and said, “Doctor, I haven’t had sex for years now, and I was wondering how I can increase my husband’s sex drive.” The doctor smiled and said, “Have you tried to give … Read more
A man meets a gorgeous woman in a bar. They talk, they connect, they end up leaving together. They get back to her place, and as she shows him around her apartment, he notices that her bedroom is completely packed with teddy bears. Hundreds of small bears on a shelf all the way along the … Read more
A woman awoke during the night to find that her husband was not in bed. She put on her robe and went downstairs. He was sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him. He appeared to be deep in thought, just staring at the wall. She saw him wipe … Read more
A woman gets home, screeches her car into the driveway, runs into the house, slams the door, and shouts at the top of her lungs, “Honey, pack your bags. I won the damn lottery!” The husband says, “Oh my god! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?” The wife yells back, “I couldn’t … Read more
A man had six children and was very proud of his achievement. He was so proud of himself that he started calling his wife “Mother of Six,” in spite of her objections. One night they went to a party. The man decided that it was time to go home and wanted to find out if … Read more
A guy and a gal meet at a bar. They get along so well that they decide to go to the girl’s place. A few drinks later, the guy takes off his shirt and then washes his hands. He then takes off his trousers and washes his hands again. The girl has been watching him … Read more
A husband is driving his car, with his wife sitting next to him. Suddenly, the police siren is heard, and he is requested to stop. The policeman comes to him and says: “Sir, do you know that you have been speeding for the last 5 minutes?” The husband replies, imploringly: “Oh no, I really didn’t … Read more