As the crowded elevator descended, Mrs. Silverman became increasingly furious with her husband, who was delighted to be pressed against a gorgeous young blonde woman. As the elevator stopped at the main floor, the blonde suddenly whirled, slapped Mr. Silverman, and said, “That will teach you to pinch!” Bewildered, Mr. Silverman was halfway to the … Read more
After just a few years of marriage filled with constant arguments, a young man and his wife decided the only way to save their marriage was to try counseling. They had been at each other’s throats for some time and felt that this was their last straw. When they arrived at the counselor’s office, the … Read more
A wealthy man came home from a gambling trip and told his wife that he had lost their entire fortune and that they’d have to drastically alter their lifestyle. “If you’ll just learn to cook,” he said, “we can fire the chef.” “Okay,” she said. “And if you learn how to make love, we can … Read more
A mother and her young son returned from the grocery store and began putting away the groceries. The boy opened the box of animal crackers and spread them all over the table. “What are you doing?” his mother asked. “The box says you can’t eat them if the seal is broken,” the boy explained. “I’m … Read more
Three Englishmen stopped at a restaurant for a spot of tea. The waiter appeared with pad and pencil. “I’ll have a glass of weak tea,” ordered the first. “I’ll have tea, too,” said the second, “but very strong with two pieces of lemon.” “Tea for me, too, please,” said the third, “but be sure the … Read more
A husband and wife decided they needed to use “code” to indicate that they wanted to have sex without letting their children in on it. They decided on the word “Typewriter.” One day the husband told his five-year-old daughter, “Go tell your mommy that daddy needs to type a letter.” The child told her mother … Read more
The kids filed back into class on Monday morning, very excited about their weekend assignment. They were tasked with selling something and giving a talk on productive salesmanship. Little Mary led off proudly, “I sold Girl Scout cookies and made $30. My sales approach was to appeal to the customer’s civil spirit, and I credit … Read more
At school, Little Johnny was told by a classmate that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, and that this makes it very easy to blackmail them by saying, “I know the whole truth.” Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out. He goes home, and as he is greeted by … Read more
A tourist is traveling with a guide through one of the thickest jungles in South America when he comes across an ancient Mayan temple. The tourist is entranced by the temple and asks the guide for details. The guide states that archaeologists are carrying out excavations and still finding great treasures. The tourist then queries … Read more
A man who had been in a mental home for some years finally seemed to have improved to the point where it was thought he might be released. The head of the institution, in a fit of commendable caution, decided, however, to interview him first. “Tell me,” said he, “if we release you, as we … Read more