Two Scottish nuns have just arrived in the USA by boat and one says to the other, “I hear that the people of this country actually eat dogs.” “Odd,” her companion replies, “but if we shall live in America, we might as well do as the Americans do.” Nodding emphatically, the mother superior points to … Read more
A little girl goes to visit Santa at the mall. When it is her turn, she sits on his lap and Santa says, “Have you been good?” Little Girl: “Yes, Santa, very good.” Santa: “What would you like for Christmas?” Little Girl: “I want Barbie and G.I. Joe.” Santa: “G.I. Joe? Doesn’t Barbie come with … Read more
A foreman had ten very lazy men working for him. One day he decided to trick them into doing some work for a change. “I’ve got a really easy job today for the laziest one among you,” he announced. “Will the laziest man please put his hand up.” Nine hands went up. “Why didn’t you … Read more
Early one morning, a mother went in to wake up her son. “Wake up, son. It’s time to go to school!” “But why, Mom? I don’t want to go.” “Give me two reasons why you don’t want to go.” “Well, the kids hate me for one, and the teachers hate me, too!” “Oh, that’s no … Read more
Sad News! It’s always difficult to bring sad news, but I think everyone should know that there was a great loss in the entertainment world. The man who wrote the “Hokey Pokey” died. What’s really horrible was they had trouble keeping the body in the casket. They’d put his left foot in… well, you know … Read more
It’s the first day of kindergarten, and the teacher decides to do a taste association activity. “I’ll blindfold you and give you a lifesaver, and you tell me what flavor it is,” she tells the children. So she gives them all a cherry flavor, and says, “What flavor is that?” The whole class answers, “Mmmm, … Read more
The little boy walks into his father’s bedroom and catches him putting on a condom. He says, “What are you doing, Pop?” The father stutters, “I’m going to kill a mouse, son.” The kid says, “What are you going to do, bang him to death?”
Little Josh comes home from first grade and tells his father that they learned about the history of Valentine’s Day. “Since Valentine’s Day is for a Christian saint and we’re Jewish,” he asks, “will God get mad at me for giving someone a valentine?” His father thinks a bit, then says, “No, I don’t think … Read more
Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday school. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, “Tell me, Mary, who created the universe?” When Mary didn’t stir, little Johnny, an altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her … Read more
Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms. Smith stopped to gently reprove the child. Smiling sweetly, the Sunday School teacher said, “Johnny, when I was a child, I was told that if I made ugly faces, it would freeze and I would stay like that.” Johnny looked up and … Read more