1. Go to O’Reilly’s auto parts and write a check for $50 for oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner, and scented tree. 2. Discover that the used oil container is full. Instead of taking it back to O’Reilly to recycle, dump it in a hole in the backyard. 3. Open a beer and drink it. … Read more
A couple of rednecks are out in the woods hunting when one of them suddenly grabs his chest and falls to the ground. He doesn’t seem to be breathing and his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911. He gasps to the operator, “I … Read more
Dear Son, I’m writing this slowly because I know you can’t read fast. Your pop read that all accidents happen within 20 miles of home, so we moved. Can’t send you the address as the last Arkansas family that lived here took the numbers with them so they wouldn’t have to change their address. That … Read more
One day in the great state of Alabama, a man walks outside and hears a strange noise coming from one of his trees. He proceeds to walk over to his tree and looks up to find the source of this noise. What he finds is a large gorilla moving around in the top of his … Read more
You might be a Redneck Jedi if… – You ever heard the phrase, “May the force be with y’all.” – Your Jedi robe is camouflage. – You have ever used your lightsaber to open a bottle of Bud Light. – At least one wing of your X-Wing is primer colored. – You can easily describe … Read more
You know yours is a Red Neck Church if: – Upon learning that Jesus fed the 5000, the men want to know whether the two fish were bass or catfish, and what bait was used to catch ’em. – The finance committee refuses to provide funds for the purchase of a chandelier because none of … Read more
Three dead bodies turn up at the mortuary, all with very big smiles on their faces. The coroner calls the police to tell them what has happened. “First body: Frenchman, 60, died of heart failure while making love to his mistress. Hence the enormous smile, Inspector,” says the Coroner. “Second body: Scotsman, 25, won a … Read more
Karl was telling his buddies back on the farm about his first visit to a big city church. “When I got there, they made me park my old pick-up in the corral,” he began. “You mean in the parking lot,” interrupted Jeb, a more worldly fellow. “Then I walked up the trail to the door,” … Read more
A Jewish family invited their redneck neighbors over for holiday dinner. The first course was set in front of them, and their hostess announced, “This is soup made with matzo balls.” Seeing two large matzo balls in the soup, the redneck man was very hesitant to taste this strange-looking brew. The Jewish couple gently urged … Read more
The first-grade class gathered around the teacher for a game of “Guess the Animal.” The first picture the teacher held up was of a cat. “Okay, boys and girls,” she said brightly, “can anyone tell me what this is?” “I know, I know, it’s a cat!” yelled a little boy. “Very good, Eddie. Now, who … Read more