A diner was agitated that the waiter had brought him no spoon with his coffee. “This coffee,” he said loud enough for most of the other patrons to hear, “is going to be pretty hot to stir with my fingers.” The waiter reddened, made a hasty retreat to the kitchen, and returned shortly with another … Read more
Sam had been in business for 25 years and is finally sick of the stress. He quits his job and buys 50 acres of land in Alaska as far from humanity as possible. Sam sees the postman once a week and gets groceries once a month. Otherwise it’s total peace and quiet. After six months … Read more
On the sixth day, God turned to the Archangel Gabriel and said, “Today I am going to create a land called Canada. It will be a land of outstanding natural beauty, with majestic mountains, beautiful pristine lakes bountiful with carp and trout, forests full of elk and moose, high cliffs overlooking sandy beaches with an … Read more
“May I take your order?” the waiter asked. “Yes, how do you prepare your chickens?” “Nothing special, sir,” he replied. “We just tell them straight out that they’re going to die.”
Sven was going for his morning walk one day when he walked past Ole’s house and saw a sign that said “Boat For Sale.” This confused Sven because he knew that Ole didn’t own a boat, so he finally decided to go in and ask Ole about it. “Hey Ole,” said Sven, “I noticed the … Read more
A tourist is in Spain and goes to a fancy restaurant for dinner. As he looks around, he notices a diner being served a beautifully garnished dish with two gigantic meatballs in the middle. When the waiter asks him for his order, the man asks him about the meatball dish. The waiter explains that the … Read more
The owner of a small New York sandwich deli was being questioned by a tax agent about his tax return. He had reported a net profit of $80,000 for the year. “Why don’t you people leave me alone?” the deli owner said. “I work like a dog, everyone in my family helps out, the place … Read more
Boudreaux went to the store and bought himself a pair of patent leather shoes. After seeing how mirror-like they were, he decided to go to the dance. He asked one lady to dance. He then told her, “You are wearing red panties.” She asked how he knew, and he looked down at his patent leather … Read more
A man and a friend are playing golf one day. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer. His friend says, … Read more
Three Paddy’s (Irish men) are in London looking for work on a building site. The first Paddy (the smart one) goes in to see the foreman. The conversation starts. Foreman: “So then Paddy, how many bricks can you lay in a day?” Paddy: “That would be 200 bricks in a day, sir.” Foreman: “Good man … Read more