Al Gore and George W. Bush found themselves in the same barbershop at the same time, seated side by side, getting the works. Their barbers finished shaving the two presidential candidates right about the same time and each barber reached for some aftershave to slap on their customers’ faces. Bush shouted, “Hey, don’t put that … Read more
There was an Englishman, a Scottishman, and an Irishman swimming in the sea one day when suddenly they were captured by pirates. The captain said to them, “You’re getting locked up in dungeons for 50 years, but I’ll give you something to go in with.” The Englishman says he wants to go in with booze, … Read more
Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates. “In honor of this holy season,” Saint Peter said, “you must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into Heaven.” The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. “It represents … Read more
A famous sexologist was giving a lecture in front of a big crowd. “There are 4 kinds of men when it comes to sex. The first kind does it every day. You can usually recognize him by his masculine body and the constant smile on his face. Do we have anyone like this in the … Read more
A guy named Bob receives a free ticket to the Superbowl from his company. Unfortunately, when Bob arrives at the stadium, he realizes the seat is in the last row in the corner of the stadium – he is closer to the Goodyear Blimp than the field. About halfway through the first quarter, Bob notices … Read more
This little boy woke up three nights in a row because he kept hearing thumping noises coming from his parents’ room. He finally approached his mom and said, “Mommy, every night I hear you and daddy making noise and when I look in, you’re bouncing up and down on him.” His mom is taken by … Read more
A man had 50-yard line tickets for the Super Bowl. As he sits down, a man comes down and asked the man if anyone is sitting in the seat next to him. “No,” he said, “the seat is empty.” “This is incredible,” said the man. “Who in their right mind would have a seat like … Read more
An old man is sitting on a park bench crying his eyes out. A young jogger comes by and asks him what is the matter. The old man says, “I’m a multimillionaire, I have a great big house, the fastest car in the world, and I just married a beautiful blonde bombshell who satisfies me … Read more
A farmer walks into the local bar and sits down at the bar. The farmer mumbles, “Some things I just can’t explain.” The bartender, who knows the farmer as Jim, asks, “What do you mean, Jim?” “Well, you know my old cow Betsy? I was milking her this morning and out of the blue she … Read more
A guy was in a cave, looking for treasure. He found an old lamp, rubbed it, and a genie came out. The genie said, “I will grant you three wishes, but your ex-wife will get double.” The man agreed and said, “I wish I had a mansion.” The genie granted it, and his ex-wife got … Read more