A biology graduate student went to Borneo to take some samples for his thesis work. He flew there, found a guide with a canoe to take him up the river to the remote site where he would make his collections. About noon on the second day of travel up the river, they began to hear … Read more
This couple went to an agricultural show way out in the countryside on a fine Sunday afternoon and were watching the auctioning off of bulls. The guy selling the bulls announces the first bull to be auctioned off, “A fine specimen, this bull reproduced 60 times last year.” The wife nudges her husband in the … Read more
During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the vicar with an unusual offer. “Look, I’ll give you £100 if you’ll change the wedding vows. When you get to me and the part where I’m to promise to ‘love, honor and obey’ and ‘forsaking all others, be faithful to her forever,’ I’d appreciate it if you’d … Read more
A man comes back home at 3 am, drunk as a skunk. He hears the cuckoo clock cuckoo three times. Quickly coming up with a plan, he cuckoos nine more times, hoping his wife would think it was midnight. He is very proud of himself. The next day, his wife asks what time he got … Read more
John O’Reilly hoisted his beer and said, “Here’s to spending the rest of me life between the legs of me wife!” That won him the top prize for the best toast of the night. He went home and told his wife, Mary, “I won the prize for the best toast of the night.” She said, … Read more
A young wife, her boorish husband, and a young good-looking sailor were shipwrecked on an island. One morning, the sailor climbed a tall coconut tree and yelled, “Stop making love down there!” “What’s the matter with you?” the husband said when the sailor climbed down. “We weren’t making love.” “Sorry,” said the sailor, “From up … Read more
A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows in … Read more
Three guys were working on a high-rise building project: Steve, Bill, and Charlie. Steve falls off and is killed instantly. As the ambulance takes the body away, Charlie says, “Someone should go and tell his wife.” Bill says, “OK, I’m pretty good at that sensitive stuff, I’ll do it.” Two hours later, he comes back … Read more
Bob and Jane were married for 25 years. When they first got married, Bob said, “I am putting a box under the bed. You must promise never to look in it.” In all their 25 years of marriage, Jane never looked. However, on the afternoon of their 25th anniversary, curiosity got the best of her … Read more
A man was asked to dinner by one of his friends, who he knew was an unkempt housekeeper. When he sat down at the table, he noticed that the dishes were the dirtiest that he had ever seen in his life. “Were these dishes ever washed?” he asked his hostess, running his fingers over the … Read more