An efficiency expert concluded his lecture with a note of caution. “You need to be careful about trying these techniques at home,” he warned. “Why?” asked somebody from the audience. “I watched my wife’s routine at dinner for years,” the expert explained. “She made lots of trips between the refrigerator, stove, table, and cabinets, often … Read more
A wife comes home after a shopping trip and is horrified to see her husband in bed with a young woman. She’s about to storm out of the house, and the husband says, “But I can explain, dear. As I was driving home, I saw this poor and tired-looking creature standing by the road, so … Read more
A man walks into a drug store with his 8-year-old son. They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks, “What are these, Dad?” The man matter-of-factly replies, “Those are called condoms, son. Men use them to have safe sex.” “Oh, I see,” replied the boy pensively. “Yes, I’ve heard of that … Read more
Stanley, an 80-year-old man, is having his annual checkup. The doctor asks him how he’s feeling. “I’ve never been better,” he replies. “I’ve got a twenty-two-year-old bride who’s pregnant with my child! What do you think about that?” The doctor considers this for a moment, then says, “Well, let me tell you a story. I … Read more
A man was walking down the street when he noticed his grandpa sitting on the porch in the rocking chair with nothing on from the waist down. “Grandpa, what are you doing?” he exclaimed. The old man looked off in the distance and did not answer him. “Grandpa, what are you doing sitting out here … Read more
This couple was dining out when the wife noticed a familiar face at the bar. “Elliot,” she said, pointing, “do you see that man downing bourbon at the bar?” The husband looked over and nodded. “Well,” the woman continued, “he’s been drinking like that for 10 years, ever since I jilted him!” The husband returned … Read more
Jenny’s husband, Charley, was a male chauvinist. Even though they both worked full-time, he never helped around the house. Housework was woman’s work! But one evening Jenny arrived home from work to find the children bathed, one load of clothes in the washer and another in the dryer, dinner on the stove, and the table … Read more
A man enters a restaurant and while sitting at his table, notices a gorgeous woman sitting at another table, alone. He calls the waiter over and asks for the most expensive bottle of champagne to be sent over to her, knowing that if she accepts it, she is his. The waiter gets the bottle and … Read more
A Bible study group was discussing the unforeseen possibility of their sudden death. The leader of the discussion said, “We will all die someday, and none of us really know when, but if we did, we would all do a better job of preparing ourselves for that inevitable event.” Everybody shook their heads in agreement … Read more
John receives a phone call. “Hello,” he answers. The voice on the other end says, “This is Susan. We met at a party about 3 months ago.” John: “Hmm… Susan? About 3 months ago?” Susan: “Yes, it was at Bill’s house. After the party you took me home. On the way we parked and got … Read more