A man phones home from his office and tells his wife: “Something has just come up. I have a chance to go fishing for a week. It’s the opportunity of a lifetime. We leave right away. So pack my clothes, my fishing equipment, and especially my blue silk pajamas. I’ll be home in an hour … Read more
A funeral service is being held for a woman who has just passed away. At the end of the service, the pallbearers are carrying the casket out when they accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the casket. They hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive! She … Read more
A man is out shopping and discovers a new brand of Olympic condoms. Clearly impressed, he buys a pack. Upon getting home, he announces to his wife the purchase he just made. “Olympic condoms?” she blurts, “What makes them so special?” “There are three colors,” he replies, “Gold, Silver, and Bronze.” “What color are you … Read more
These three married couples died and when they got to the pearly gates, St. Peter told the first husband, “I can’t let you in. You let alcohol run your life. You even married a girl named Sherry.” Dejected, he turned and walked away. The next married couple stepped up, and St. Peter told the husband, … Read more
The policeman had stopped the man for obvious drunken driving, but since the guy had a clean record, he made him park the car and took him home in the patrol car. “Are you sure this is your house?” the cop asked as they drove into a rather fashionable neighborhood. “Shertainly!” said the drunk, “and … Read more
A pirate walked into a bar and the bartender said, “Hey, I haven’t seen you in a while. What happened? You look terrible.” “What do you mean?” said the pirate, “I feel fine.” “What about the wooden leg? You didn’t have that before.” “Well, we were in a battle and I got hit with a … Read more
A man placed some flowers on the grave of his dearly departed mother and started back toward his car when his attention was diverted to another man kneeling at a grave. The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity and kept repeating, “Why did you have to die? Why did you have to die?” … Read more
A young single guy is on a cruise ship, having the time of his life. On the second day of the cruise, the ship slams into an iceberg and begins to sink. Passengers around him are screaming, flailing, and drowning, but our guy manages to grab onto a piece of driftwood and, using every last … Read more
Mr. Benton thought he had had the last word when he presented his ex-wife with an unusual gift for her birthday: a tombstone on which he had carved, “Here lies my ex-wife Sonja… cold as usual.” Much to his surprise, however, his wife one-upped him for his birthday with a tombstone of his own on … Read more
It was a hot summer day, and the old courthouse was just as hot. The air was thick and humid, and the jury was having a hard time staying focused. One of the jurors succumbed to the heat, falling asleep just as the victim was being questioned by the prosecutor. “The defendant is accused of … Read more