There was a lawyer who had just woken up from anesthesia after surgery, and his wife was sitting by his side. His eyes fluttered open and he said, “You’re beautiful!” and then he fell asleep again. His wife had never heard him say that, so she stayed by his side. A couple of minutes later, … Read more
A man was seen fleeing down the hall of the hospital just before his operation. “What’s the matter?” he was asked. He said, “I heard the nurse say, ‘It’s a very simple operation, don’t worry, I’m sure it will be all right.” “She was just trying to comfort you, what’s so frightening about that?” “She … Read more
Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands-free speaker function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen. MAN: “Hello.” WOMAN: “Honey, it’s me. Are you at the club?” MAN: “Yes.” WOMAN: “I am at … Read more
A husband and wife are traveling by car from Atlanta to New York. After almost twenty-four hours on the road, they decide to stop at a nice hotel and take a room. They only plan to sleep for four hours and then get back on the road. When they check out four hours later, the … Read more
A man was walking down the street when he noticed his grandfather sitting on the porch in the rocking chair with nothing on from the waist down. “Grandpa, what are you doing?” he exclaimed. The old man looked off in the distance without answering. “Grandpa, what are you doing sitting out here with nothing on … Read more
A man comes home from work, sits in his lazyboy in front of the TV, and rudely tells his wife, “Gimme a beer before it starts.” She gives him his beer. About 15 minutes later, he says again, “Gimme a beer before it starts.” She does. A few minutes later, he asks again for a … Read more
A wife asks her husband, “Honey, if I died, would you remarry?” “After a considerable period of grieving, I guess I would. We all need companionship.” “If I died and you remarried,” the wife asks, “would she live in this house?” “We’ve spent a lot of money getting this house just the way we want … Read more
A woman asks her husband, “Would you like some bacon and eggs, a slice of toast, maybe some grapefruit, and coffee?” He declines, saying, “Thanks for asking, but I’m not hungry right now. It’s this Viagra. It’s really taken the edge off my appetite.” At lunchtime, she asked if he would like something. “A bowl … Read more
A few days before her birthday, a husband asked his wife, “Dear, what would you like for your present?” “I really don’t think I should say.” “How about a diamond ring?” the husband asks. “I don’t care much for diamonds.” “Well, how about a mink coat?” “You know I do not like furs,” she says. … Read more
A guy goes fishing every Saturday morning. He gets up early and eager, makes his lunch, hooks up his boat, and off he goes all day long. Well, one Saturday morning he gets up early, dresses quietly, gets his lunch made, puts on his long johns, grabs the dog, and goes to the garage to … Read more