A couple goes to an art gallery. They find a picture of a naked woman with only her privates covered with leaves. The wife doesn’t like it and moves on, but the husband keeps looking. The wife asks, “What are you waiting for?” The husband replies, “Autumn.”
Some members of a health club were having their first meeting. The director of the group said, “Now, I’d like each of you to give the facts of your daily routine.” Several people spoke, admitting their excesses, and then one obviously overweight member said, “I eat moderately, I drink moderately, and I exercise frequently.” “Hmm?” … Read more
An elderly couple was crossing the Canadian border to go to their winter retreat in Florida. At the crossing, they were stopped by an over-zealous border guard on his first day at work. He began asking the couple a series of questions and checked for passports. Officer: “Where are you going?” Husband: “We’re on vacation … Read more
“Sour cream has an expiry date because it is a dairy product that can spoil over time. The expiry date indicates the date until which the sour cream is expected to remain fresh and safe for consumption. Consuming sour cream after the expiry date can pose health risks due to potential bacterial growth and spoilage.”
Upon landing hard, the pilot got on the PA system, “Sorry, folks for the hard landing. It wasn’t my fault, blame it on the asphalt.” On this particular flight, the airline pilot noted that he had “hammered the plane a little hard on the runway.” The airline policy was that he had to stand at … Read more
An Englishman, a Scot, and an Irishman walked into a pub. Each ordered a pint of beer. Then a fly landed in each one’s beer. The Englishman, turning slightly green, pushed his beer away and asked for another one. The Scot took the fly out, shrugged, and drank his beer. The Irishman pinched the fly … Read more
Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, “Why is the bride dressed in white?” “Because white is the color of happiness and today is the happiest day of her life,” her mother tried to explain, keeping it simple. The child thought about this for a moment, then said, … Read more
A little kid asks his father, “Daddy, is God a man or a woman?” “Both son. God is both.” After a while, the kid comes again and asks, “Daddy, is God black or white?” “Both son, both.” The child returns a few minutes later and says, “Daddy, is Michael Jackson God?”
I recently picked a new primary care physician. After two visits and exhaustive lab tests, he said I was doing “fairly well” for my age. A little concerned about that comment,
If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, it was, and always will be yours. If it never returns, it was never yours to begin with. If it just sits in your room, messes up your stuff, eats your food, uses your phone, takes your money, and never behaves as if you … Read more